Wednesday, April 18, 2012

eyes=the windows to your soul.. eyeBROWS!=the not to be overlooked window treatments!

eye's have oft been illustrated as the windows to ones soul.. while i'm not nearly poetic enough to describe the in such a way, i can agree, our peepers are very important features!..
 but i'm not here to talk about eyeballs.. i'm here to talk about the unsung heroes of the face.. the EYEBROWS!

even the biebs looks gosh awful CHOLOFIED!

if nothing else Mexicans are a multipurpose people.. who else would have thought to use a simple writing tool, say
a sharpie!
as a 3-in-1 miracle makeup!!

unless you're sponsered by NIKE you're eyebrows should
never. look. like. THIS

now now now.. i don't want to come accross as unfair
 & pin bad makeup application on one ethnicity..
apparently PORNSTARS can rock the 3-in-1 look as well!!

ORANGE you glad you manscaped your FACE today??
neither are we..mancard=REVOKED 

even Tim Allen has Guido problems from time to time..

now any rational person would think that eyebrows are supposed to go
ABOVE! your eyes.. not the sides of them.. dumbest. looking. eyebrows. EVER!

this girl wanted her eyebrows drawn on (& i quote) 'Right MEOW!' 
i just threw this little gem in because a. this woman is terrifying & b... she looks like our cat. COON


& these were thrown in to further horrify you & prove my point that you can be an
OUTSTANDINGLY beautiful human being
withOUT good eyebrows.. or eyebrows in any sense..  
well then go on ahead & color yourself UG-A-LAY!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

BABY GOT way too much BACK!

so.. thanks to my moo moo i have always had an ample dairy air.. indeed 'i got it from my mama'.. all of it.. camels have humps for which to live off for many weeks & i kind of consider those is the same league as my rearend..cause i believe they could potentially serve the same purpose, if necessary..because i am the creature in rap stars dreams..a big booty beezy..anyways point being I HAVE AN ABNORMALLY FAT ASS..

it's always caused me angst.. basically 24/7.. & even more so with bathing suit season rapidly appraoching us.. i know. YIKES! but this year i decided to be proactive about it.. about mid january i began hitting the gym at least 5 days a week & am up to running 6 miles at a time.. i know, i'm no kenyan.. however for me this is a big deal.. now while this did help my mushy-wintery-outta-shape body immensely! it is discouraging to report the butt has gotten BIGGER.. okay so 'gym by itself'.. obvi not gonna cut it if i want to be able to proudly go to a beach, & not fear causing a small to medium earthquake, when i slowmotion baywatch run through the waves.. joke!! i. NEVER. do. that.. so late one night, tv's on, & all good shows are over.. leaving only D grade (at best) television..aka=infomercials.. which admittedly naturally encourage my gag reflex BUT this time, it struck my fancy, pushed product in question?? BRAZIL BUTT LIFT!! i listen on.. it promises to LIFT! SCULPT! TONE! SHRINK! my problem areas!! in 2 months.. oh yes IF purchased the bane of my existance will CEASE TO EXIST! in 60 days!! ever the skeptic, i start to question whether of not it can in fact fufill all my hopes & dreams.. then i'm told it's the SECRET to VICTORIAS SECRETS models coveting backsides! and with that i. am. SOLD! so i order it.. yes i bought into an infomercial.. feel free to judge.. i'm almost a week into it & i can't for sure tell you it's working, BUT i can tell you, muscles i didn't even know i possessed, are constantly on fire..(& yes.. yes i do kind of feel a little bit like Katniss) getting off a toilet now demands all of my willpower! so hopefully in about 7 more weeks i can tell my 'nay-sayer' self to suck it! & will be able to bounce a quarter off my newly lifted, sculpted, toned, & SHRUNK, posterior!

template by