tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91896637051392926842024-02-06T20:05:54.053-08:00so whatcher sayin is...amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.comBlogger18125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-85211953668338471062013-04-13T21:49:00.000-07:002013-04-13T21:49:50.713-07:00That's A'MOLE!<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">well..that's new!!</span></div>
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The human body is an AMAZING thing</div>
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a wonderful, complex-at times confusing-amazing thing</div>
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<u>There is NO other time in your entire life, that its wonder & complexity will manifest itself more greatly, than during gestation</u></div>
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It will also be at its MOST confusing during those 40 weeks..</div>
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at least that was the case for me</div>
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puberty, in the (ALMOST) verbatim words of Sir M.C. Hammer, <strong>'can't touch it'</strong></div>
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Now during my stint with pregnancy i learned </div>
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a LOT about myself..a LOT about my body..</div>
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some of what i discovered </div>
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MAY have manifested itself just since baby's conception</div>
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& some MIGHT have been there my entire 22 years of being just </div>
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WAITING</div>
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for me to find it</div>
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...but then again i wouldn't know because i obviously DIDN'T find it</div>
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<br /></div>
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An example of the latter being</div>
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<u><span style="font-size: large;">my BOOGER mole</span></u></div>
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It all started one fine evening in early February ..</div>
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sitting around the kitchen table..</div>
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in the midst of deep meaningful conversation (cause that's all we have in casa DeCoria) my dear sister Coley suddenly exclaims (in a semi-disgusted tone)</div>
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<u><strong>'Why do you have a BOOGER on your shoulder?'</strong></u></div>
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admittedly i'm taken aback..</div>
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my mind is reeling </div>
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<strong>'how did i get a booger on my shoulder?' </strong></div>
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more importantly</div>
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<strong>'WHO WIPED IT ON ME?'</strong></div>
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so i find words, play it cool, & ask</div>
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'What are you talking about?'</div>
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she replies (ever degrading)</div>
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<strong><u>'That booger on your shoulder you filthy hampster'</u></strong></div>
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so i look down to investigate</div>
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& sure enough there is what appears to be nose residue </div>
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on. my. shoulder</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP0Xloiaq4wl3SSs5TvYJumtxhSkidwds8JxZdOSFG1IPxS3hhcoLVUQNi42DO_KpFD0KvgFYel79dnwffQt9eK5y9mvO7FY_NWHcLzDVde0kY1MpAG7VPRcgo5hpy21jVwa9qsnDkWSmE/s1600/grossed+out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" bua="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP0Xloiaq4wl3SSs5TvYJumtxhSkidwds8JxZdOSFG1IPxS3hhcoLVUQNi42DO_KpFD0KvgFYel79dnwffQt9eK5y9mvO7FY_NWHcLzDVde0kY1MpAG7VPRcgo5hpy21jVwa9qsnDkWSmE/s320/grossed+out.jpg" width="232" /></a></div>
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<strong>..SPOILER ALERT..</strong></div>
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it was NOT a booger</div>
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it was in fact a mole</div>
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a mole that i have had my entire life</div>
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a mole that up until 8 months before was <u>small, dark brown, & FLAT</u></div>
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NOT this <u>light-brown-puffed-up-brainy-BEHEMOTH</u></div>
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<br /></div>
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first & foremost, i am relieved that nobody intentionally wiped a booger upon my shoulder..</div>
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secondly, i wonder, 'what the hell happened to my mole'..</div>
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and last, but to me least, ...i hope it doesn't mean cancer..</div>
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<br /></div>
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<strong><u>moving on to my next example</u></strong></div>
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<strong><u>'NIPpin out'</u></strong></div>
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<br /></div>
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so then maybe a week later </div>
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...maybe not even a week</div>
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i make another startling discovery</div>
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(now i'm really not sure what led me to find this next.. thing </div>
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but i found it so that's all that matters)</div>
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so that fateful morn of a very confusing day in my life</div>
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i had been to the gym & due to my growing girth</div>
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i. sweat. a. LOT</div>
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..mostly kinda sorta ONLY in my bra..</div>
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i don't get swack, i don't get swass, but i get mean swoob</div>
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due to my copious amounts of boob perspiration</div>
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i had to switch bras once i got home</div>
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i'm in the midst of my wardrobe change </div>
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making sure everything is dry & normal</div>
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& that's when i saw it</div>
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in all it's not-normalness</div>
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<u><strong>'CAT TEAT'</strong></u></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjasISQHb8_YrtyHkHvNNlX9aOwO2HSpE164wRC4L-_lE4rQ5GL08qS4e7Z8ul0wLQF1uM3CN7vjbf621ie5w9RCb6jhJm2E4u3PA_7XImVCNRW-iQGVx4iOp0rhBRNqr1paUVmHKD3dOru/s1600/freak-out-cat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" bua="true" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjasISQHb8_YrtyHkHvNNlX9aOwO2HSpE164wRC4L-_lE4rQ5GL08qS4e7Z8ul0wLQF1uM3CN7vjbf621ie5w9RCb6jhJm2E4u3PA_7XImVCNRW-iQGVx4iOp0rhBRNqr1paUVmHKD3dOru/s320/freak-out-cat.jpg" width="235" /></a></div>
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towards the bottom of my right breast, what appeared to be a </div>
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third nipple, was suddenly </div>
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just. there.</div>
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i'm not going to lie to you i stared at it for an inordinate amount of time</div>
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i mean come on.. how often in your life are you going to find another nipple on your person.. & one that looks like it belongs on a CAT no less</div>
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so i'm investigating & all the while my mind was reeling..</div>
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..wondering..</div>
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'WHAT AM I?!?!'</div>
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immediately i send a text to my Coley</div>
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it read</div>
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'ummmm.. sooooo.. i think i have a third nipple.. just found it..'</div>
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& i wait & i wait & i WAIT</div>
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& the response</div>
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NOTHING</div>
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there was no response</div>
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radio. silence.</div>
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i'm dying at this point, still in shock, needing to hash it out</div>
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& my person is letting me down</div>
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HARD</div>
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i mean in all fairness she rarely has her phone on her & even more rarely responds</div>
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but i was talking about a </div>
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THIRD NIPPLE</div>
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it at least merited a 'bummer' or 'that sucks' or 'far out, me too!'</div>
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(ps she doesn't really have one too..)</div>
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really in my life the 2 times i've texted her when it's been really important</div>
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a. UNEXPECTED PREGNANCY b. CAT TEAT</div>
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she kinda left me hanging</div>
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(obviously she eventually got around to responding about me being preggers.. although, she DID think the picture of a positive pee stick was a JOKE, at first..who's laughing now??)</div>
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but my 'cat teat' text??</div>
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i heard nothing</div>
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so i pulled it together, composed myself, & buried it deep, DEEP down </div>
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the next time Coley was home though..</div>
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probably only a few days later..</div>
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i exhumed what i had pushed out of my mind</div>
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once again addressing her as i was walking up the stairs</div>
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'Cole i think i have a 3rd nipple'</div>
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(she was at the top of the stairs with Moo)</div>
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both suddenly take a new-found interest in my discovery & they want to see it</div>
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right. then.</div>
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i at first day no</div>
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hesitating so share it with stranger eyes..</div>
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i then realize their bodies have formed a barricade at the top of the stairs</div>
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so if i want to reach the top i have to give the goods</div>
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...or at least show them..</div>
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so with almost no self-respect left, i make like it's spring break, raise my shirt hem & bare my bottom boob</div>
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</div>
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they stare in silence for .2 seconds.</div>
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& then they laugh.. & laugh.. & laugh..</div>
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then they move closer to take a better look</div>
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& they laugh some more..</div>
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& then, finally, once it's lost some of its entertainment value </div>
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they become somewhat concerned</div>
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& suggest i have Dr. Milleson check it out at my next OB/GYN appt..</div>
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i realize it's probably not something she deals with on the reg but i'm hoping she might be able to help me understand WHY i'm suddenly exhibiting</div>
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alarming feline tendencies</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLEM56XU_0-k2UVqdR4-1H5NFUFWDAJBcoOFmS92HAM2V5je-5sqU_h0mECjv_yblAM7JzdfGxbDHtBpP-6U_KCgAXt72CCWNECtHaU3e9adReo0gQBoipdR-JXYJLS6yLGkUR-q8fYL54/s1600/catkini.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" bua="true" height="284" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLEM56XU_0-k2UVqdR4-1H5NFUFWDAJBcoOFmS92HAM2V5je-5sqU_h0mECjv_yblAM7JzdfGxbDHtBpP-6U_KCgAXt72CCWNECtHaU3e9adReo0gQBoipdR-JXYJLS6yLGkUR-q8fYL54/s320/catkini.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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so now i'm at my final OB/GYN appt..</div>
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pee in a cup, find out how NOT-thin i am, we listen to the baby, everything's good,</div>
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& lastly she asked do you have any questions or concerns??</div>
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i say 'yes..'</div>
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(because i do..i have some VERY concerning questions)</div>
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i then proceed to ease into it by telling her about </div>
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'booger mole'</div>
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i wanted to start things out normal, not lay it on too thick too fast</div>
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she says okay well we can check it out & maybe have it biopsied if need be</div>
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i say 'wonderful'</div>
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then sit there in silence</div>
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..stalling..</div>
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she then proceeds to once again ask</div>
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'anything else?'</div>
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i, not being able to hold out any longer, finally have to address 'IT'</div>
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'umm.. yes.. i sort of.. i.. um.. i think i found a third nipple'</div>
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now THIS got her attention</div>
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'REALLY?'</div>
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she says with new found interest</div>
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i then proceed to show her my seemingly new nipple</div>
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she investigates & starts to ask about it</div>
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i really wasn't in any position to answer many of her questions seeing as i myself was still getting to know it</div>
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so we kinda stare at it for a minute longer </div>
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& then she let's me know that it kinda looks like maybe a mole</div>
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that it doesn't look unsafe</div>
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weird yes but not necessarily alarming</div>
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& we'd find out soon if it lactates</div>
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AWESOME</div>
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that is just. what. i want. to hear</div>
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so i leave my dr's appt.</div>
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feeling somewhat liberated that 'cat teat' is out of the bag</div>
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& upon my arrival home Coley & Moo are curious </div>
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about how it went</div>
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i give them the run down about everything</div>
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& then Moo asked</div>
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'Well what did she say about 'booger mole?''</div>
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i then realize</div>
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i completely forgot about 'booger mole'!!</div>
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not only that</div>
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Dr. Milleson completely forgot about 'booger mole'</div>
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.HOWEVER..</div>
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it's totally understandable</div>
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i mean COME ON</div>
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how many times does someone address you with a problem of </div>
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<strong>too. many. nipples?</strong></div>
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i'm not sure but i'm guessing it's a really low if not non-existant number</div>
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we WERE concerned about both new developments</div>
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BUT</div>
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as soon as i whipped 'CAT TEAT' out 'BOOGER MOLE' was old news</div>
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so you might be sitting there wondering</div>
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'why did i disclose this information?' or 'how can you unread what you just read'</div>
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at the very least you can take from this</div>
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2 VERY good examples of how confusing & amazing the human body can be</div>
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&</div>
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1 inordinately long blog post within which you will probably read the word 'nipple' more times than at ANY other time in your life..</div>
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at least i hope that's the case</div>
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(i can't imagine many causes to have that word that many times in any one place)</div>
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AND</div>
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i'm going to have to raise that count</div>
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just a few more real quick</div>
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while i disclose that 'cat nipple' does NOT lactate</div>
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& therefore is just a very unfortunate looking & porely placed mole..</div>
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not a nipple</div>
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PHEW!</div>
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<br /></div>
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WHELP..</div>
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have a great rest of your day!! </div>
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be sure to floss, look left & right before crossing, & when you count your blessings </div>
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be SURE to include</div>
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the fact that you have only dos semi-or-very-normal nipples! :)</div>
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<br /></div>
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(ps if you have more than 2 you can count as many blessings as needed per nipple) </div>
amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-38900428582716813522013-02-20T00:01:00.002-08:002013-02-20T00:08:23.971-08:00Helen Keller Jokes - DEAF-initely unacceptable<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Not what you think..if i'm thinking what i think you're thinking..i think..</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
okay.. so judging solely by this blog posts title</div>
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you're probably now thinking that it is </div>
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ONLY</div>
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going to be about me, being a dick, making fun of the KELLSTER..</div>
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<br /></div>
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</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsnKvWPMj3rE2VIukOGhbVxtW9jKT9RtcXzxyEd3RS7N7aaDoCqSKz4pg_B4j6-qel48DeA-I8_lX7Y6aJPdOuzhBuvKSyT-orbe7RhFjLj1ekx76jmeiQp_VXQTdt1GnmHhbE7cbDg0PX/s1600/helenkellertweet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="252" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsnKvWPMj3rE2VIukOGhbVxtW9jKT9RtcXzxyEd3RS7N7aaDoCqSKz4pg_B4j6-qel48DeA-I8_lX7Y6aJPdOuzhBuvKSyT-orbe7RhFjLj1ekx76jmeiQp_VXQTdt1GnmHhbE7cbDg0PX/s320/helenkellertweet.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
WELL YOU'RE WRONG IT'S NOT</div>
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<br /></div>
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i mean come on folks..</div>
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that would be extremely</div>
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'short-sighted'</div>
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of me..</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(yes bad puns are my calling)</span></div>
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really though, it's going to be so much more than that</div>
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due to my preggers brain</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(medical term=stooopid)</span></div>
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i have a hard time focusing on any </div>
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ONE</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
thing to even make a full blog post..</div>
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so this is going to be a medley of everything that has been running through my mind today</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
well.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
everything that i can remember</div>
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it will be a 'trailmix blogpost' if you will</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCk9ATomOst1QBKp8yAsj2eaFLAoH1gtWscAOAE6QzfR_f45FWvGtemlZMi7KSJpASYQ2iJrRXUnfD7mDYw7MfpIKQjIL1704yoh778DwTivopMXlMe1XLOAfhReTik2hNotAMQR2LOF1s/s1600/trailmis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCk9ATomOst1QBKp8yAsj2eaFLAoH1gtWscAOAE6QzfR_f45FWvGtemlZMi7KSJpASYQ2iJrRXUnfD7mDYw7MfpIKQjIL1704yoh778DwTivopMXlMe1XLOAfhReTik2hNotAMQR2LOF1s/s320/trailmis.jpg" width="312" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
i am disturbed</div>
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not SUPER disturbed</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
just</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
MODERATELY disturbed..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
over cereal ads today</div>
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this isn't a recent developement persay</div>
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it's just not something that i talk about a lot</div>
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mostly cause it's not something that comes up </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
ORGANICALY</div>
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in normal day-to-day conversations</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(although admittedly most things that fill my daily oral banterings aren't things that come up organically..)</span></div>
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anyways you may be wondering</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
'what is Amy's beef with breakfast foods'</div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOMDjPcNw3ycRcoaNa7Ia4rxEVjcoZ2uNIDWe6iC48-4BXECTzgTezShy5KkcAioc48Cvp0krETupmWSB6IWYG0B1yKQ_IGbMpyfdZOHMl4w7chAtHjnnk6a5GIXD0kwnhgCIqQDS3210F/s1600/cinnamon-toast-crunch-cannibal-commercials-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="183" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOMDjPcNw3ycRcoaNa7Ia4rxEVjcoZ2uNIDWe6iC48-4BXECTzgTezShy5KkcAioc48Cvp0krETupmWSB6IWYG0B1yKQ_IGbMpyfdZOHMl4w7chAtHjnnk6a5GIXD0kwnhgCIqQDS3210F/s320/cinnamon-toast-crunch-cannibal-commercials-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
well aside from the fact that i can't partake in most of it</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a fact that i'm not bitter about</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
..at all..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
i don't like to think of my food as being </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
CANNIBALISTIC</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
full of sugar & perservatives while being void of any nutritional value i can live with</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
HOWEVER</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
i find myself slightely horrified over the ever growing number of tv ads featuring </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
cereal EATING cereal</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& it's not even cereal consuming different brands of cereal!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
which just adds to the sickness of it all</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
like sister cereal eating sister cereal</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
i mean 3rd cousin cereal munching on one eachother MIGHT be more acceptable</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but overall it's just not something i'm comfortable with cause</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
IT'S. NOT. OK</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& maybe i'm taking this too far & thinking about this a little more than i should</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so judge me if you want</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
BUT</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
i don't want to be able to associate ANY part of my morning with the Donner Party..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>too soon??</strong></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
while we're on the subject of commercials </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
is there really a need to make </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
EVERY</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
30 second slot as racially diverse as humanly possible??</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxyp1IjsixGzaN_wCNdbPCqdAUZknrdWUWddeZKXzEu2pg8Nw9PE0YkzUUkTLEntSAqGIsgHV9BK_OTDdwQqsB3xB3ioBl-xTXINDlpDW8xDU7a2XnTLRJzZUFXCFl-3_Q7g2nZrfC9HPv/s1600/racially-diverse-babies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxyp1IjsixGzaN_wCNdbPCqdAUZknrdWUWddeZKXzEu2pg8Nw9PE0YkzUUkTLEntSAqGIsgHV9BK_OTDdwQqsB3xB3ioBl-xTXINDlpDW8xDU7a2XnTLRJzZUFXCFl-3_Q7g2nZrfC9HPv/s1600/racially-diverse-babies.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
admittedly this occurs in MOST commercials today</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but i notice ethnicity keeps it's pimp hand especially strong when peddling clogged arteries</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
let me let you in on a little secret FA(s)TFOOD corperations</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you. do. NOT </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
have to make every promotion as colorful as a box of crayons</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
people will keep buying your products</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
America's obesity epidemic has pretty much ensured </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR7T1SyeiQ7Rs71irqSVtV7jiTlg9r0T8jgRQWSXZhK9VEbB_o8BpVpoApEUdU2ThhjBH4G1b0Be3pjhBXwCUVkbJblF66Jwn3ZwCrUMBaDDBogv_7RRlHeiggokTa7wFXkQpHFWbliEbY/s1600/merica_o_494546.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiR7T1SyeiQ7Rs71irqSVtV7jiTlg9r0T8jgRQWSXZhK9VEbB_o8BpVpoApEUdU2ThhjBH4G1b0Be3pjhBXwCUVkbJblF66Jwn3ZwCrUMBaDDBogv_7RRlHeiggokTa7wFXkQpHFWbliEbY/s320/merica_o_494546.jpg" width="234" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you. will. be. successful.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
so please.. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
tone down the color brigade</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(however i must admit i LOVE that while trying to fit as many 'flavors' into their ethnic trailmix as possible they always, always, ALWAYS include a GINGER..which in a way including them segregates them even more) </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
LASTLY</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
toilet paper</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
there is one ad in particular that i'm thinking of</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& it's one where there are multiple women</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
talking about </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
'what they want from there toilet paper'</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& maybe i'm just easy when it comes to my theraputic paper </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
BUT</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
all I want from my TP is it to be there when i'm doing my business..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& these ladies are going off talking about how they want theirs to be </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
dependable, strong, soft..ect. ect..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& in my head i'm thinking are we still talking about bath tissue..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
cause it kinda sounds like your confusing your requirements for crapper paper with what you want in a man??</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
then it gets worst</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
when one of the paid spokespersons talks about how she wants to </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
'get clean, while 'staying clean'</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
as in wipe WITHOUT breaking through</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& so then i'm borderline horrified cause i'm wondering</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
'HOW HARD ARE THESE FEMALES WIPING??'</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN0dTpiPUkeiBufRcQmGrq1idGvc9_X2vBvxSCOslWFISlWn34nZhxZD09_4xU59Hq0I05d8SXyY57hsVXeXmeGV6oCMbAzSVgMmZSGHOU46Yim_QRYJCtMNf_Vrs75rJvnIXkk0DaQMwI/s1600/grossed+out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN0dTpiPUkeiBufRcQmGrq1idGvc9_X2vBvxSCOslWFISlWn34nZhxZD09_4xU59Hq0I05d8SXyY57hsVXeXmeGV6oCMbAzSVgMmZSGHOU46Yim_QRYJCtMNf_Vrs75rJvnIXkk0DaQMwI/s320/grossed+out.jpg" width="232" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you're not trying to remove paint!!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
YOU NEED NOT BRUTALLY ASSAULT YOURSELF TO GET A SATISFACTORY WIPING!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(why i even have to point this out initiates an inner face palm)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Tonight </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(2/19/2013)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
was the bi-stake boys church ball championship</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
i did NOT go watch</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
mainly cause my little brother doesn't love me & didn't invite me..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a little because being around that many minors makes me feel a tad bit like a </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
PREDATOR..</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOcOsJkDoj6WfKjShWV6xjzn2tD98kva5SGCr_4kerIvkfsowVrHNDImYQ_SP0DGK7LHUOvKCqSm-oA1zTJJyObzwzyUVt7jKk4lUV-mgO5OfrpF7HXvYMQqCzNiRt9wuSzQOKeMturGnD/s1600/meanwhile-in-america-meme-10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOcOsJkDoj6WfKjShWV6xjzn2tD98kva5SGCr_4kerIvkfsowVrHNDImYQ_SP0DGK7LHUOvKCqSm-oA1zTJJyObzwzyUVt7jKk4lUV-mgO5OfrpF7HXvYMQqCzNiRt9wuSzQOKeMturGnD/s320/meanwhile-in-america-meme-10.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(^^^that picture SCREAMS 'surprise adoption' ps^^^)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
anyways</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
AFTON 3RD WARD WON!!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
which meant more than my ward is boss</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it meant that life in the DeCoria household was good tonight</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& honestly it really didn't matter that i didn't go observe</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
cause i got to listen to Dad & Ben break down the game when they got home</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(the depth they can reach when talking about the </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">LOOSEST </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">form of an athletic undertaking is admirable..)</span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
well Ben told us that one of our church leaders </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(who was the stand in coach for the beginning part of the game)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
did something that i found</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
UNORTHODOX</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in church ball</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
he flat out said</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
'i don't believe in everyone's a winner, cause there will be ONE winner & ONE loser, so if you play well you're going to get more playing time'</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& i really want to air five/knucks the man that said this cause it's absolutely right!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
i mean i know it's </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
CHURCH BALL</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& it's meant for everyone to be able to participate </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
but that doesn't necessarily mean equal playing time..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& honestly human nature dictates </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
'people like to WIN!'</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
especially when talking about teenage boys..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(they are soooo moody)</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
anyways so now we're talking about the whole</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
how should game time be divided so it's <br />
fair while still sensible<br />
& Ben seemed a little in disbelief that they are more concerned with <br />
equality than victory</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
which got the screws in my mind turning</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& i had to stop him & say okay you think it's bad with </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
BOYS CHURCH BALL?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
try</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
GIRLS CHURCH BALL..</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
we could have </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
STEVIE WONDER</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilAgf_ZzRtJNM6evqrRFc36fR7hcYCTlHRKkgnx9m7vpneLfsxPWmu4kGHEqte528c9Q-eTyNYVlJlyx9iRsknfbC80jLZhu94ZmqgI6abisZlMb7wFUpCcIczNUaO6uVQMMFgVBJ44oe7/s1600/steviewonder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilAgf_ZzRtJNM6evqrRFc36fR7hcYCTlHRKkgnx9m7vpneLfsxPWmu4kGHEqte528c9Q-eTyNYVlJlyx9iRsknfbC80jLZhu94ZmqgI6abisZlMb7wFUpCcIczNUaO6uVQMMFgVBJ44oe7/s320/steviewonder.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
& HELEN KELLER</div>
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</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij-6xxFAZQabX_HafMgL73f1s9xQYsx0x3QedctlCUfTfenrK_Z9Q2f0UwLykP1vlUWsSp9dz1zLnaqNyUk4Z-jfGB3vf9in8QBOWov9wwzMa42CjJUlIdud_ldFQ2mWhU_vrgpPbBSnbe/s1600/hellen+keller+says.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij-6xxFAZQabX_HafMgL73f1s9xQYsx0x3QedctlCUfTfenrK_Z9Q2f0UwLykP1vlUWsSp9dz1zLnaqNyUk4Z-jfGB3vf9in8QBOWov9wwzMa42CjJUlIdud_ldFQ2mWhU_vrgpPbBSnbe/s320/hellen+keller+says.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
& they would get JUST as much playing time as</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
any other player on the team</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
THEY MAY EVEN GET TO START!!</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
so there ya have it..</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
churchball </div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
while it doesn't always make sense to the players</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
makes a heck of a lot more sense when you got a 'P' instead of a 'V'..</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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PS.. for a full hook-up see IVIE..</div>
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March Special only $19.00 ;)</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheoT4xAtyLvCBTnp2x6HPGd7C7gfnIKr3QpzmOPmcKtsLKxOpBZEjkmfJ7p3CPcEhyLS_dWxHIeNSBup_qm_D5siVqm53fwtpkK27TJe2I8tL0MmddNBKVmmyltVldJQS9nl5UMT54papF/s1600/102.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" mea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEheoT4xAtyLvCBTnp2x6HPGd7C7gfnIKr3QpzmOPmcKtsLKxOpBZEjkmfJ7p3CPcEhyLS_dWxHIeNSBup_qm_D5siVqm53fwtpkK27TJe2I8tL0MmddNBKVmmyltVldJQS9nl5UMT54papF/s320/102.JPG" width="239" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-77914222707440032652013-02-14T22:00:00.002-08:002013-02-14T22:00:48.681-08:00meaningless-consumer-driven-24hrs-of-hell<div align="center">
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">i want you, i need you, oh baby, oh baby</span></strong></div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwqrFiiLr12GnApx1cEuIAdOYIIPnvOCU072sI7QL5uafDRmtjTxUSvONBj1j8k6z3tJt80gYXzsmi25njbkw71PEhsHb74dFwyyDKAMd4u1KvBtZMqXAY8djyrHDFAaTQGR7h549T6eqF/s1600/why-am-I-still-single.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwqrFiiLr12GnApx1cEuIAdOYIIPnvOCU072sI7QL5uafDRmtjTxUSvONBj1j8k6z3tJt80gYXzsmi25njbkw71PEhsHb74dFwyyDKAMd4u1KvBtZMqXAY8djyrHDFAaTQGR7h549T6eqF/s320/why-am-I-still-single.jpg" uea="true" width="320" /></a></div>
<div align="center">
today is once again that blasted competely arbitrary 24 hr period where people treat their significant other the way they should treat them the other 364 days of the year</div>
<div align="center">
(it's not like being treated well for ONE day should make up for all the other days in the year that you were treated like dog dump..slate=not clean)</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
now i'm not just anti-today because i don't have someone special to shower me with gifts & kiss my ass/the very ground i walk on..</div>
<div align="center">
no thats not it</div>
<div align="center">
so lets be clear that i have never understood the need to have 'today'</div>
<div align="center">
& most gifts fall flat in my book..</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
<strong>candy-</strong><u>seems like a bust,you just eat it & feel quilty later when your slaving away at the gym</u></div>
<div align="center">
<strong>flowers??-</strong> <u>here let me give you a dying plant.. that was viciously assaulted so you can put it in water only to watch it slowly die (much like my feelings for you will most likely do one day)</u></div>
<div align="center">
<strong>stuffed animals-</strong><u>geez thanks, my dog is going to love this when i let him anhialate this & leave the fluffy guts strewn from hell to breakfast</u></div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
but alas what do i know..</div>
<div align="center">
it still comes every year without fail</div>
<div align="center">
& it seems as if there is no stopping it</div>
<div align="center">
<u>(if i could be the grinch of valentines day i'd do it.. i'd do it in a heartbeat.. a hummingbird heartbeat.. & those are fast)</u></div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZHjCy4ERqdMGR4PlXP5LtBsmR1wyx1THBW5_zkQVIbMx2jw5Hs4Q2ZWpEJ0aluRPPDqtMpgc2uNC1xgyVTFMdQNLnvCJZ2ySU8FgIBfNksEhlc6qmSJTYgPsVOi2MIZT-zRoUMlBztjdV/s1600/hp_valentine_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZHjCy4ERqdMGR4PlXP5LtBsmR1wyx1THBW5_zkQVIbMx2jw5Hs4Q2ZWpEJ0aluRPPDqtMpgc2uNC1xgyVTFMdQNLnvCJZ2ySU8FgIBfNksEhlc6qmSJTYgPsVOi2MIZT-zRoUMlBztjdV/s320/hp_valentine_1.jpg" uea="true" width="239" /></a></div>
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however this year on VDay (gag)</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<strong>i. wasn't. alone..</strong></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
mostly due in part to the fact i pack around a tiny human being all. the. time</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
so i'm NEVER alone</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
i mean i looked alone</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<u>fat and alone</u></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<strong>but sometimes looking like you belong on an episode of Maury happens</strong></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
in spite of today being what it was i had a pretty good one</div>
<div align="center">
<strong>i have my coley here :)</strong></div>
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<u>which means i also have muh chunkmunk on hand :) :) :)</u></div>
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sushi for dinner</div>
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nerds for dessert</div>
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& a footrub was my perfect nightcap</div>
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<br /></div>
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<strong>essentially i'm greatful i made it through today mostly unscathed</strong></div>
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ps.. i know a lot of people were complaining about it being </div>
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<strong>'single-awareness day'</strong></div>
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& to all of you i say</div>
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<strong>DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT</strong></div>
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<u>you have many, many other days to be aware that you are</u> </div>
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<strong>UNTTERLY & COMPLETELY ALONE :)</strong></div>
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<u>everyday can be your 'single-awareness day' if you let it be</u></div>
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..your welcome..</div>
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<br /></div>
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ps.. i realize this blogpost was <u>'BRIEF'</u></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGKLq99WM1DbEbxvasBFi5dMGKv_kFERUR6LF4TqP8oltudnrALJ5cdQrAewKCZkRjbTSKSAgea39vvvBsvVW2tJrWfJUlEO5Y2zi3h1q4OFvmz-D1cgPvMgd9Ba280gJIS4C7uPDB1jTX/s1600/brief+jerky.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGKLq99WM1DbEbxvasBFi5dMGKv_kFERUR6LF4TqP8oltudnrALJ5cdQrAewKCZkRjbTSKSAgea39vvvBsvVW2tJrWfJUlEO5Y2zi3h1q4OFvmz-D1cgPvMgd9Ba280gJIS4C7uPDB1jTX/s320/brief+jerky.jpg" uea="true" width="320" /></a></div>
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<u>(see what i did there??)</u></div>
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but it kinda just felt like a <strong>short-story/written-the-day-it-was-due</strong> sorta day</div>
amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-1509472950953079502013-02-10T10:47:00.002-08:002013-02-10T10:47:47.435-08:00Well that was extremely MOVIE-ing..<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Speaking of CINEMAtters..</span></div>
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Everyone has that one family member</div>
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You know what i'm talking about</div>
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the one that you love to hate to watch any sort of movie with..</div>
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well in my case EVERYONE of my kin falls into that catagory</div>
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in some way or another</div>
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and admittedly it might (but probably not) be partly due to me</div>
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after-all i have a hard time </div>
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NOT</div>
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playing peanut gallery</div>
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<br /></div>
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To begin my little analysis i'm gonna start with my familys head honcho</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">JOKE</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">That's more like it..</span></div>
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Okay so this lovely lady is Moo Moo</div>
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lover of <u>all things Pixar</u></div>
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she is not THAT bad to watch movies with..</div>
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as in</div>
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while they are still going</div>
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<u>immediately after they end can be a different story</u></div>
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<strong>IF</strong></div>
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the movie was set in the south, deep south, anywhere near the southern states, any character had even a HINT of a southern accent, or if fried chicken and/or collard greens was any part of the movie..</div>
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<u>let's be clear..</u></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;">my mother is from <strong>NORTHERN</strong> Idaho</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(which ps. is different from Idaho as a whole.. it should really be it's own state)</span> </div>
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<u>she was raised no where near the southern east coast</u></div>
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<strong>so we're really not sure why she likes to go through the following 2 weeks seemingly possessed by Della Maes backwoods inbred cousin Cleetus..</strong></div>
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<u>we're not even sure if her accent is Southern or Retard..</u></div>
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all we know is it's kinda like a Miley Cyrus movie</div>
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<strong>as soon as it STARTS we want it to STOP..</strong></div>
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<br /></div>
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<strong>'Dad' you not asked a million questions you'd have never figured it out..</strong></div>
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<strong>oh wait you still don't get it..</strong></div>
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or as we sometimes call him</div>
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Curious George</div>
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unless he started the movie with you & pays close attention</div>
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his questions will be endless & he still will usually not 'get it' by the end of the movie..</div>
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however he doesn't just leave it at the credits</div>
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no</div>
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he'll take it with him & ponder it for a few days, trying to make sense of it</div>
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and then days later he'll bring it up & spell out the already spelled out movie..</div>
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at least he's persistant!! he always figures it out</div>
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<strong>EVENTUALLY!!</strong></div>
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also..</div>
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he actually likes LOUIS LAMOURE movies..</div>
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as in the books weren't enough for him to realize</div>
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<strong>'holy heck i've read this same story 50 times over'</strong></div>
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NOPE</div>
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<strong>he has to WATCH that same song and dance too..</strong></div>
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<u>(be honest people.. reading more than one of his books is like </u></div>
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<u>wiping before you poop</u></div>
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<u>it don't make sense..)</u></div>
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<br /></div>
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<strong>Coley coley trolly bumholey</strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYoNkn90p4GwhaWgvIY4Q7KrnfvJJV2lvdpwZC8I1aTsj8ff-84Z56MULamqfNQBmI9AgL_S_YdjGlvIfSIZy5LxYRMKfHHQtQUBj6HtXPlZqFiTPPjqF_9KiVep0D6RZINouK7XNfNKEO/s1600/colefish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" jea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYoNkn90p4GwhaWgvIY4Q7KrnfvJJV2lvdpwZC8I1aTsj8ff-84Z56MULamqfNQBmI9AgL_S_YdjGlvIfSIZy5LxYRMKfHHQtQUBj6HtXPlZqFiTPPjqF_9KiVep0D6RZINouK7XNfNKEO/s320/colefish.jpg" width="230" /></a></div>
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where do i start with this poser</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(sidenote: she wants to be me.. she doesn't even know it.. but i'm like her hero)</span></div>
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actually she is probably my most favorite person to watch stuff with</div>
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she is an excellent addition to my peanut gallery</div>
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her only flaw is she doesn't like watching traggic love stories</div>
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<u>which doesn't fly</u></div>
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cause they are like my favey</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(i'm a sadist)</span></div>
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also.. she is superb at movie quotes..</div>
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especially of the Disney Genre</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(yes i'm giving them their own genre)</span></div>
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& she can remember the names of even the smallest insignificant characters</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(yes sometimes i wonder if she is slightly autistic & thats her tell..that & phone numbers) </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<strong>Philly-Cheesy-Movie-Loving-Steak</strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaRy7OIJhaXsFF79RxxmE30UiG8IERWX0m2Suj_jKN15U5keAkjiyAQvTyDdttT7sehp4VfHBgq-mGI2cn2_oIRzDKN4eyGiP6Y11_W_jNaPc4lDM3kRMD05ILaBE59YXPReJoKLXjsi7S/s1600/447.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" jea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaRy7OIJhaXsFF79RxxmE30UiG8IERWX0m2Suj_jKN15U5keAkjiyAQvTyDdttT7sehp4VfHBgq-mGI2cn2_oIRzDKN4eyGiP6Y11_W_jNaPc4lDM3kRMD05ILaBE59YXPReJoKLXjsi7S/s320/447.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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yup.. this nutsucks included in this blog too.. seeing as he's part of our gene pool now.. can't keep him out.. can't hold him down</div>
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<strong>Phillbilly's achilles heel is he likes any movie..</strong> </div>
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okay that's a bit of a broad overstatement</div>
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Phil likes any movie that any NORMAL self-respecting human wouldn't..</div>
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as long as there are <u>fast cars, big explosions, bad accents, impossible fight sequences, & next to no plot</u> </div>
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he is one happy camper..</div>
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oh and he loves the movie </div>
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<strong>p.s i love you</strong></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(which triggers my involuntary gag reflex)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<strong>Bomo</strong></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">the <strong><u>piece de resistance</u></strong></span></div>
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the biggest reason for this seemingly reasonless blog</div>
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BROOKEY COOKIE..</div>
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okay so brooke has selective goldfish syndrome..</div>
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she can watch a movie </div>
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NO LESS</div>
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than 100 times.. </div>
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yet anytime she watches said movie it's as if it's a new experience for her ENTIRELY..</div>
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this is best exemplified when she watched horror films..</div>
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the whole time she'll be like</div>
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<strong>'IS HE BEHIND THE DOOR???!', 'DON'T GO IN THERE HE MIGHT BE IN THE SHOWER', 'ITS HIM ISN'T IT? HE'S THE BAD GUY HUH???'</strong></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(remember she's already seen this movie multiple times)</span></div>
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or i always love it when she cheers on the characters</div>
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<strong>"RUN RUN RUN!! GO GO GO!! HURRY YOU CAN MAKE IT!'</strong></div>
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when NO..</div>
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they can't make it..</div>
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they won't make it this time just as they haven't made it <u>the last 10 times..</u></div>
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<strong>she really has a reoccuring problem with giving the characters false hope..</strong></div>
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..dream killer..</div>
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<br /></div>
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<strong>'Ben' is this getting over?</strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-vYYEEsi8HgtuUZwQ1DbZ5lK8aNACAeo1538gNyQG991STqLtG3nSkcHqOY2ymOtyAX7kt_7SVkl9dNZ6R6gSV35Ocx-hEi-mfHw076qmEfZoFAO1ClLBiuGKGEoPBruRsoMzxaxvLEd3/s1600/038.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" jea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-vYYEEsi8HgtuUZwQ1DbZ5lK8aNACAeo1538gNyQG991STqLtG3nSkcHqOY2ymOtyAX7kt_7SVkl9dNZ6R6gSV35Ocx-hEi-mfHw076qmEfZoFAO1ClLBiuGKGEoPBruRsoMzxaxvLEd3/s320/038.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Ben, while also being very adept at movie quote battles, is very poor at being the butt of most of our cinema related jokes..</div>
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which is ridiculous cause we are obvi hilarious..</div>
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but trust that this is <u>no fault of ours</u></div>
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he needs to learn to suck it up </div>
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<strong>and take multiple hits for the team..</strong></div>
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it's kind of hard to really put a finger on what makes it hard to watch movies with Ben..</div>
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mostly cause he watches few movies with us</div>
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<strong>us=his family</strong></div>
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he mostly avoids us like we are the plague</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(the plague of awesomeness)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<strong>roly poly OLY!</strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP38zdbvP98HaFCvHuSl4qtJsiB5qG_nN_b-nyOaai1aYbmj1bblG9wKD1tvZoPCATqhQlbWLjm4Oar6pvCsGbda-inUeahwPiKXceLvXxUbGiv7IPJuM3OZbefYxyGlMdUeqdjCFJaf2S/s1600/090+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" jea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiP38zdbvP98HaFCvHuSl4qtJsiB5qG_nN_b-nyOaai1aYbmj1bblG9wKD1tvZoPCATqhQlbWLjm4Oar6pvCsGbda-inUeahwPiKXceLvXxUbGiv7IPJuM3OZbefYxyGlMdUeqdjCFJaf2S/s320/090+-+Copy.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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Orephia..</div>
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Lyv likes to fight me on watching movies she's never even heard of..</div>
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she usually moans and groans & throws in multiple</div>
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'this movie looks gay', 'amy i don't want to watch this, & "i already hate it'</div>
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before the previews even have a chance to be viewed..</div>
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however</div>
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she normally ends up liking the movies</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(not all of them but most)</span></div>
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also</div>
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she can be extremely loud and mobile during slasher flicks..</div>
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for<strong> loooooooooong</strong> periods of time..</div>
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it get's to the point where you're like </div>
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<u>'she's definetly used up her entire oxygen supply so how is she still making noise?'</u></div>
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even the characters in the movie are like</div>
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<u><strong>'chill small blond girl!'</strong></u></div>
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lastly</div>
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she's made a habit of asking me key plot questions that could potentially spoil the ending</div>
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over and over until i answer her..</div>
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AND THEN</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<strong>she gets upset at me for telling her..</strong></div>
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making me the bad movie buddy</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">(i just give people what they want)</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
giver-for-life!</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-22356455402511116522013-02-04T22:32:00.001-08:002013-02-04T22:32:10.049-08:00Spank the Plank<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">unorthodox FAM rocks..</span></div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
so tonight we're all sitting around being related & such..</div>
<div align="center">
well i guess not phil..</div>
<div align="center">
he was here by default </div>
<div align="center">
(when i say default i mean he married my sister)</div>
<div align="center">
so, you see, no blood relation</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
<u><span style="font-size: x-small;">(we keep him around mainly for reproductive purposes via my sister.. they've done really well so far & we'd like more like Gabe.. eventually)</span></u></div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
i realize it WAS a monday night</div>
<div align="center">
so according to Mormon culture</div>
<div align="center">
monday night=FHE</div>
<div align="center">
we didn't label it or make it formal</div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(but i'm gonna say it was an unofficial FHE..)</span></div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
so we're all watching 'the biggest loser'</div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(lots of fatties breathing hard & shaking lard)</span></div>
<div align="center">
they're exercising.. being sweaty.. looking miserable</div>
<div align="center">
& in the midst of this perspiration & sadness comes</div>
<div align="center">
THE PLANK!!</div>
<div align="center">
so i look at Ben & ask if he is even capable of doing the plank..</div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">not really waiting for a response</span></div>
<div align="center">
i then may or may not (or may) have trash talked him</div>
<div align="center">
saying that i could 'out-plank' him</div>
<div align="center">
he then told me i can't even do the plank</div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(referencing my convex midsection as the reason for my inability to perform)</span></div>
<div align="center">
i of course scoff at him & immediately show him i CAN infact plank</div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(2 points for the preggers team)</span></div>
<div align="center">
so then we decide that we are going to have a little <u>healthy </u>competition..</div>
<div align="center">
so Phil, Coley, Ben, Lyv, & Myself all position ourselves around the living room</div>
<div align="center">
and the well-being promoting battle commenced</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
so we're battling the bulge</div>
<div align="center">
people on TV are battling the bulge (a much bigger bulge but a bulge nonetheless)</div>
<div align="center">
the bulge doesn't stand a chance..</div>
<div align="center">
admittedly our refs (mom, dad, gabe)</div>
<div align="center">
had to tell some of us to 'put our butts down' so that we were in </div>
<div align="center">
PROPER FORM..</div>
<div align="center">
but all in all everything is going well</div>
<div align="center">
but eventually Coley falls </div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(she just had a baby 3 months ago.. & it was a rough pregnancy)</span></div>
<div align="center">
shortly thereafter Ben goes down </div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(he did NOT have a baby 3 months ago & will never have a pregnancy)</span></div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
Phil then wants to make it interesting and says</div>
<div align="center">
SIDEPLANK!</div>
<div align="center">
so the remaining three</div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(Lyv, myself, & Phil)</span></div>
<div align="center">
one arm it.. </div>
<div align="center">
i then see Lyv cheating by means of using her other arm to help prop herself up.. </div>
<div align="center">
so i take my free arm & push her cheating apendage away..</div>
<div align="center">
causing her to fall over</div>
<div align="center">
Lyv is now OUT!</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
so now it's just me & Phil</div>
<div align="center">
aka: the final countdown</div>
<div align="center">
aka: the babies conceived in the 80's, born in the 90's</div>
<div align="center">
aka: shit just got real</div>
<div align="center">
and neither one of us is backing down..</div>
<div align="center">
we stay propped up all Side saddle like for a while longer</div>
<div align="center">
UNTIL </div>
<div align="center">
i say 'nuts to this' & shift back to the </div>
<div align="center">
good old-fashioned</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
so then we're still there fighting the good fight</div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(ps realize it has turned into a pretty lengthy competition at this point)</span></div>
<div align="center">
at this point I'm starting to feel really warm, my belly is really flexed..</div>
<div align="center">
Phil's camo shorts are FAR up his crack & his butt cheeks are clenched</div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(my mom is asking me to please not go into labor over this)</span></div>
<div align="center">
but now is not the time to worry about a birthing!</div>
<div align="center">
now is DO or DIE & neither of us want to lose..</div>
<div align="center">
well</div>
<div align="center">
eventually one of us has to falter..</div>
<div align="center">
where there is a winner there must also be a loser..</div>
<div align="center">
so Phil went down and i WON!</div>
<div align="center">
amy rules & phil drools</div>
<div align="center">
THE END!</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
joke!! </div>
<div align="center">
you're right it didn't happen that way..</div>
<div align="center">
actually i finally dropped down & subsequently made Phil victorious</div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(ps as it turns out i didn't have to go down that far seeing as my belly cleared the floor by AN INCH)</span></div>
<div align="center">
but i put up a good amount of effort..</div>
<div align="center">
he can feel good about his 1st place finish knowing he had to work for it..</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
and NO.. i didn't balance on my belly to secure my 2nd place finish</div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">(i wasn't going to be a bad mother & use my baby to cheat my way to the top</span></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">..almost top..)</span></div>
<div align="center">
i got there all by my-36 weeks pregnant-self!</div>
<div align="center">
doing what i do</div>
<div align="center">
reppin all the baby mama's</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
so there you have it</div>
<div align="center">
my LENGTHY retelling of seemingly mundane family activities</div>
<div align="center">
all in all SUCCESFUL UNOFFICIAL FHE!!!</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
peace & blessings y'all:)</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">ps.. in case any were wondering i listened to my moo moo & didn't send myself into labor!</span></div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-26485995899452945522013-01-22T20:28:00.001-08:002013-01-22T20:28:07.243-08:00FEET ARE SWEET:)<div align="center">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">DIRTY DOGS!</span></strong></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDXkBfirufI48RL9r-YzQ3Jf3-aFNmyEygkuM64nSC_ttGgDToe3DjHsGlEIgd8lLdtdYZzrvTcuD_YX6KqIyFJvPRyjXXVMFOOjXAy96-egQCAoUf49-Jn5LIQJXiv5F0QS4p7wtw-BJt/s1600/dirty+puppy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDXkBfirufI48RL9r-YzQ3Jf3-aFNmyEygkuM64nSC_ttGgDToe3DjHsGlEIgd8lLdtdYZzrvTcuD_YX6KqIyFJvPRyjXXVMFOOjXAy96-egQCAoUf49-Jn5LIQJXiv5F0QS4p7wtw-BJt/s320/dirty+puppy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
So..</div>
<div align="center">
like any other normal female i'd like to think that i have a pair of average feet<br />
10 toes</div>
<div align="center">
borderline ticklish</div>
<div align="center">
loves slippers, flippy floppys, and fresh mowed grass</div>
<div align="center">
tend to reak like old cheese if they get shoved into tennis shoes sans socks..</div>
<div align="center">
oh and BUGLY..<br />
</div>
<div align="center">
(cause lets be honest feet are kinda like pugs.. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifso-QMyn_OAM4VXTaZ1QO70N6VOkUC_7b2fGvwz6K6wTEJtCKXTAEoJ8oJ22goBBHx23HpE_y1EbpmZFnWquN_6kB6-LEzdgG7JBN2g4A6tcUfgP9NWDRBH8DRyHgLyTL4h64LHHeaaoe/s1600/ugly+pugly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifso-QMyn_OAM4VXTaZ1QO70N6VOkUC_7b2fGvwz6K6wTEJtCKXTAEoJ8oJ22goBBHx23HpE_y1EbpmZFnWquN_6kB6-LEzdgG7JBN2g4A6tcUfgP9NWDRBH8DRyHgLyTL4h64LHHeaaoe/s320/ugly+pugly.jpg" width="298" /></a></div>
cute in a mostly ugly way)</div>
<div align="center">
so you know..</div>
<div align="center">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmVSoCQ1S03dwVdPRhZE-NzHHNzpXff6pKJCIFFlOs2adzick-y5xWo-qoG-bR2o7XK8FCiiRtd_aGDQnVaVxcFSZ9FNsGWWuH3bhIOsjZu1SbuWBhapLrJXpVwPUDNrKBPF7-fbaxEP_B/s1600/177.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmVSoCQ1S03dwVdPRhZE-NzHHNzpXff6pKJCIFFlOs2adzick-y5xWo-qoG-bR2o7XK8FCiiRtd_aGDQnVaVxcFSZ9FNsGWWuH3bhIOsjZu1SbuWBhapLrJXpVwPUDNrKBPF7-fbaxEP_B/s320/177.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
NORMAL..
</div>
<div align="center">
well MOSTLY</div>
<div align="center">
my feet NEVER seem to callous..</div>
<div align="center">
my heels are just scars from blisters that </div>
<div align="center">
come, pop, rejuice, pop, dissappear, then come again..</div>
<div align="center">
it's a vicious never ending cycle</div>
<div align="center">
so now that i've given you that lovely little inside into my orthopedic history</div>
<div align="center">
(you're welcome ps)</div>
<div align="center">
i MUST however commend them for having a higher than norm pain tolerance..</div>
<div align="center">
a HUGE bonus</div>
<div align="center">
considering i would be substancially heftier <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxR4EAq00NSTQ5I0uFQhwv5N8bfi_wGkrcG7gC3Tf9-bzYkaDVyNa-bMXDjJkWiXgYSUJ-57UHZcfqeVGl4mhTEGZDn882LjCDkUFEJIJ9tthhlHeetdhrSuFZZx33g0B27enajzkqx09d/s1600/truffle+shuffle.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxR4EAq00NSTQ5I0uFQhwv5N8bfi_wGkrcG7gC3Tf9-bzYkaDVyNa-bMXDjJkWiXgYSUJ-57UHZcfqeVGl4mhTEGZDn882LjCDkUFEJIJ9tthhlHeetdhrSuFZZx33g0B27enajzkqx09d/s320/truffle+shuffle.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
if i couldn't</div>
<div align="center">
chronically abuse them..</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
seriously though, if i waited for every blister to heal before jumping back on the horse</div>
<div align="center">
or in this case treadmill</div>
<div align="center">
i'd work out about once a week..</div>
<div align="center">
and thats lame sauce..<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3JzOmOyiWt6APJD7HjGDbfq2z14br6maqXavhj3qlKruT8DvR8TxJPcqWAO8ESL7oDZgbrdtmvTfgguJzKJl7IciK8lpfqFEdWJuDXpOIn95nu2kY1lqtRUoUio61DhBjVDPEWJqA-CIt/s1600/eye+roll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3JzOmOyiWt6APJD7HjGDbfq2z14br6maqXavhj3qlKruT8DvR8TxJPcqWAO8ESL7oDZgbrdtmvTfgguJzKJl7IciK8lpfqFEdWJuDXpOIn95nu2kY1lqtRUoUio61DhBjVDPEWJqA-CIt/s320/eye+roll.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div align="center">
however sometimes it has drawbacks..</div>
<div align="center">
such as..</div>
<div align="center">
i don't know when to stop..</div>
<div align="center">
i always just push them until my goal is accomplished..</div>
<div align="center">
an example of this happening a few weeks ago..</div>
<div align="center">
i rode to IF with my mom, for appointments,<br />
the Wednesday evening prior to that fateful Thursday</div>
<div align="center">
and when Moo had to fly out early the next morning for work</div>
<div align="center">
she just drove herself in the van to the airport and parked it</div>
<div align="center">
intending for me to get a ride from my Aunt Dene later in the day</div>
<div align="center">
so that i may have a mode of transportation</div>
<div align="center">
however when it came time for Van Retrieval</div>
<div align="center">
i decided that i might as well just walk from my Aunt's house..</div>
<div align="center">
cause it was only like 2 miles..</div>
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIAnHLB5xP4kAWjMgZJhXhvwLH7M-6w56AoEVsvSkTmSMxd_JpQMPGu5fvrwgfv7-errr_GfCka7-OkdkAL6ZMJXfphqwakgPwsDpfKoNPxea2N5SYSsOigLksS8dIyzbBiaSzhfy_SHJ6/s1600/false.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIAnHLB5xP4kAWjMgZJhXhvwLH7M-6w56AoEVsvSkTmSMxd_JpQMPGu5fvrwgfv7-errr_GfCka7-OkdkAL6ZMJXfphqwakgPwsDpfKoNPxea2N5SYSsOigLksS8dIyzbBiaSzhfy_SHJ6/s1600/false.jpg" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
it was a FEW MORE THAN A FEW..</div>
<br />
<div align="center">
so there was my FIRST brain fart..</div>
<div align="center">
when i went to put on my shoes designated for this type of activity<br />
i remembered my tennis shoes were in said van</div>
<div align="center">
naturally in their ergonomically correct place </div>
<div align="center">
i put on my leather 'wannabe-biker' books<br />
(i try to make pregnancy look more Bad A than it is..)</div>
<div align="center">
there lies my SECOND brain fart..</div>
<div align="center">
and it looked fairly mild outside so i went with minimum winter wear for my trek</div>
<div align="center">
enter THIRD brain fart</div>
<div align="center">
the one day that Idaho decided it wanted to man up</div>
<div align="center">
and have a day kinda like a Wyoming winter..</div>
<div align="center">
lets just state for the record by the time i reached my destination</div>
<div align="center">
i couldn't feel most of my body..<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMVIDk1FSeLD61xg6UFnj81opUzzVQWHgvWhmhyEqsm9fd4RLdJvd683RKRWynmLK77SLdSiLsZFO4ben922W0tjwdzBCJUPtYaNCyxdJX7matDWZHkhOlhF-vIi7rZGSxUcNFYC89qvaH/s1600/Titanic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMVIDk1FSeLD61xg6UFnj81opUzzVQWHgvWhmhyEqsm9fd4RLdJvd683RKRWynmLK77SLdSiLsZFO4ben922W0tjwdzBCJUPtYaNCyxdJX7matDWZHkhOlhF-vIi7rZGSxUcNFYC89qvaH/s320/Titanic.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
(they look cozy compaired to how i felt)
</div>
<div align="center">
so basically a lot of brain fartage went on in a short amount of time..</div>
<div align="center">
so i set off on my adventure</div>
<div align="center">
looking </div>
<div align="center">
SUPER FLY</div>
<div align="center">
sweats tucked into knee high biker boots, a lime green puffy coat that makes me look even more rotund than i currently am, fluffy patterened earmuffs, and </div>
<div align="center">
ONE RED GLOVE..</div>
<div align="center">
(cause i couldn't find it's significant other)</div>
<div align="center" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbTCBRUI2d86mrFH4-CmqNDTR1WWtqPBmY8c03oV53DuVHfoPnKhRkaSRuJc1MYoHrWAY7CsbWe1o88vwjdgyPd_XS2ynC7q2ttsxXoCOmmMbtYyXcIf0K7Wa6usv54isttU3VA6xdJ9we/s1600/one+glove.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="176" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbTCBRUI2d86mrFH4-CmqNDTR1WWtqPBmY8c03oV53DuVHfoPnKhRkaSRuJc1MYoHrWAY7CsbWe1o88vwjdgyPd_XS2ynC7q2ttsxXoCOmmMbtYyXcIf0K7Wa6usv54isttU3VA6xdJ9we/s320/one+glove.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div align="center" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
(yes i did in fact look as homo-rific as all the people in the picture above)</div>
<div align="center">
<br /></div>
<div align="center">
<strong>it's such a mystery why no one pulled over to offer a ride..</strong></div>
<div align="center">
...hmmm..</div>
<div align="center">
so i'm walking.. walking and losing feeling..but making progress</div>
<div align="center">
and all goes well for the first mile.. mile & 1/2..</div>
<div align="center">
and then my right foot starts to hurt..</div>
<div align="center">
NBD</div>
<div align="center">
we're almost there..</div>
<div align="center">
but no.. no we are not almost there</div>
<div align="center">
and soon my left foot starts to feel some discomfort as well</div>
<div align="center">
and the right foots suffering only increases..</div>
<div align="center">
i then get to the point in my journey where i </div>
<div align="center">
VAGUELY </div>
<div align="center">
remember a short cut..</div>
<div align="center">
so i am faced with a decision..</div>
<div align="center">
continue on the path i know FOR SURE </div>
<div align="center">
OR</div>
<div align="center">
take a GAMBLE and arrive at destination sooner</div>
<div align="center">
my feet are crying a little bit..</div>
<div align="center">
i'm already startin to do the geezer lean at this point</div>
<div align="center">
so i decide to take the path less traveled..</div>
<div align="center">
not my best idea</div>
<div align="center">
(not my worst either)</div>
<div align="center">
i. get. lost.</div>
<div align="center">
i end up having to back track a couple times</div>
<div align="center">
all the while the suffering in my boots is</div>
<div align="center">
INTENSIFYING SIGNIFICANTLY..</div>
<div align="center">
i am finally able to locate a way out of hellish suburban labrynth<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwlQ0XBkATFePlO2dBXjo8NU3TySdSmo9s1I6VKFQwDGIQjbtZXODEsxZC_Tb5SlvMGftokawz1sMQaV-12QyiTzCyxpNpdEBwlt2Nh31Ee5_9i-23ltdl0hPNEFNIwvjmjheEYmO5ey3r/s1600/labyrinth.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwlQ0XBkATFePlO2dBXjo8NU3TySdSmo9s1I6VKFQwDGIQjbtZXODEsxZC_Tb5SlvMGftokawz1sMQaV-12QyiTzCyxpNpdEBwlt2Nh31Ee5_9i-23ltdl0hPNEFNIwvjmjheEYmO5ey3r/s320/labyrinth.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div align="center">
and back out onto the main road i would have taken anyways</div>
<div align="center">
had i stayed true to the course..</div>
<div align="center">
palm. face.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnOTNI_5N-NrqxbSdoXfRGabjPQl60hEiOuvoGYnOAoQCbUGPbPS-0SmvC1ILF2rF1xMjZo84TblJjtODF1_m0v3nhr9nJg8WndVJIi1Dlm2YceocoVL4OaoRl1DURXS0w-NfCtJZ4ZyFd/s1600/face+palm.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="244" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnOTNI_5N-NrqxbSdoXfRGabjPQl60hEiOuvoGYnOAoQCbUGPbPS-0SmvC1ILF2rF1xMjZo84TblJjtODF1_m0v3nhr9nJg8WndVJIi1Dlm2YceocoVL4OaoRl1DURXS0w-NfCtJZ4ZyFd/s320/face+palm.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div align="center">
so i'm ALMOST back on track</div>
<div align="center">
my dogs are barking so loud</div>
<div align="center">
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">i. want. to. cry</span></strong></div>
<div align="center">
not sure if i was able to hold back my tears </div>
<div align="center">
OR </div>
<div align="center">
if it was too cold for them to leave my eyes & they just froze before they could make an exit</div>
<div align="center">
??????</div>
<div align="center">
but all the sudden i feel something go </div>
<div align="center">
POP</div>
<div align="center">
in my right boot..</div>
<div align="center">
i kinda pause</div>
<div align="center">
and for a moment </div>
<div align="center">
i. am. relieved.</div>
<div align="center">
cause in my head whatever was hurting is now gone and all will be well</div>
<div align="center">
well..</div>
<div align="center">
all was NOT well..</div>
<div align="center">
and the pain is now worst..<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9c0_UDcY2AEMrIOGQrnHpiGj_j6I6DAVSSDyMGhsfNnDcyMQ7lpgOxX-KPIrF1cUd6NDoS6t1_JbEqfc3WsMcI4UcVuSPRkeyne-omRtHKf8QiOgIVWvlqgi4-JlV_1_hKbLpbn3FCAkj/s1600/pop+face.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9c0_UDcY2AEMrIOGQrnHpiGj_j6I6DAVSSDyMGhsfNnDcyMQ7lpgOxX-KPIrF1cUd6NDoS6t1_JbEqfc3WsMcI4UcVuSPRkeyne-omRtHKf8QiOgIVWvlqgi4-JlV_1_hKbLpbn3FCAkj/s1600/pop+face.jpg" /></a></div>
</div>
<div align="center">
but i have no other option but to push onward..</div>
<div align="center">
(if HUNT & EDWARDS stopped would they have beaten LEWIS & CLARK to the Pacific Ocean?? i submit they would NOT!!)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>
<div align="center">
(white water in the morning.. and.. thats it!)</div>
<div align="center">
so i'm now hobbling along at sloth pace..</div>
<div align="center">
i'm actually more like doing a weird IGOR drag my right foot shuffle thing..</div>
<div align="center">
and i still have a mile to go..</div>
<div align="center">
but i close the distance slowly but surely..</div>
<div align="center">
i finally make it to the employee parking lot..</div>
<div align="center">
when i arrive my heart involuntarily sinks a bit..</div>
<div align="center">
because MOO always parks nearest the exit..</div>
<div align="center">
except for today.. when she parked as far from it as she possibly could have..</div>
<div align="center">
which added only 100 ft to my trek..</div>
<div align="center">
but when something on your foot has </div>
<div align="center">
POPPED</div>
<div align="center">
100 ft is a big dang deal..</div>
<div align="center">
Man Van has never been so lovely to me than at the moment when i turned the key in her ignition and cranked that heater <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhby4LSP6SXVxqaS2uDWTNLcX3giLKuFLBHV6T9lWUsuWip7fB7XpU0pZaZfz1th1fYTWJ481HipKqq8XTMKUQ05UQDp6ZXElmhKZU0YOnutqLQAo7CewFYZZKUPWssH0nuX13uR23bbjUB/s1600/its+over.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" oea="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhby4LSP6SXVxqaS2uDWTNLcX3giLKuFLBHV6T9lWUsuWip7fB7XpU0pZaZfz1th1fYTWJ481HipKqq8XTMKUQ05UQDp6ZXElmhKZU0YOnutqLQAo7CewFYZZKUPWssH0nuX13uR23bbjUB/s320/its+over.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
</div>
<div align="center">
( i mean trips to state wrestling, and hog-tying Olyvia with braided walmart sacks & gagging her with a bikini top on a family vaca are close seconds but nothing compares to being able to simply sit down after seemingly walking 1000 miles)</div>
<div align="center">
when my fingers regained some dexterity i was finally able to remove my boots and discover</div>
<div align="center">
not so surprisingly</div>
<div align="center">
2 bloody socks..</div>
<div align="center">
do i care though at this moment??<br />
NOT. AT. ALL</div>
<div align="center">
once again i am just happy to be on my rear end..</div>
<div align="center">
i change outta those knee high leather torture devices<br />
and i am back in action</div>
<div align="center">
.. well with a slight limp..</div>
<div align="center">
later that night i take a bath & finally remove my bloody socks</div>
<div align="center">
(yes i wore them the rest of my day color me gross)</div>
<div align="center">
and upon closer inspection i find 5 blisters, 1 cut, and</div>
<div align="center">
ONE MISSING TOENAIL..<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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</div>
<div align="center">
sick nasty poo poo..</div>
<div align="center">
i was okay with all of it until i found out about my little fallen soldier..</div>
<div align="center">
and then i was mostly just sicked out..</div>
<div align="center">
mostly..</div>
<div align="center">
BUT </div>
<div align="center">
don't think i did all that for nothing</div>
<div align="center">
a. i had a car.</div>
<div align="center">
and</div>
<div align="center">
b. when i had about .3 miles left i looked down on the sidewalk and what did i see</div>
<div align="center">
a crumpled germy dolla dolla bill y'all</div>
<div align="center">
making my missing toenail not all for naught!!<br />
moral of my journey:<br />
don't wear leather biking boots in subarctic tempuratures to make a 5 mile journey.. <br />
cause while you think your tootsies are about as ugly as they could possibly get right now<br />
as is<br />
let me tell you <br />
YOU. ARE. WRONG<br />
and something so small & seemingly insignificant as <br />
ONE toenail M.I.A<br />
makes a <br />
HUGE<br />
difference in their overal appearence!<br />
<br />
be good to your dogs:)<br />
NOW TO WRAP THINGS UP<br />
here are a few things that are ALL better looking than feet!<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">ENJOY;)</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-52863934984282724352012-12-17T21:13:00.003-08:002012-12-17T21:13:51.586-08:00DO AS I SAY NOT AS I'VE DONE.<div align="center">
<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">DO as i SAY.. NOT as i've DONE!</span></strong></div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
This is a blog post for the ladies. </div>
<div align="center">
Ladies some of you out there are with boys that do not treat you well.</div>
<div align="center">
For some of you this might be a recent development.</div>
<div align="center">
For others this may be a reoccuring trend.</div>
<div align="center">
To both of those situations i say </div>
<div align="center">
'GET OUT'</div>
<div align="center">
When i say this i am not implying it will never work out. It very well might.</div>
<div align="center">
But if it does in fact work out, will you be happy if things stay the same way they are right now.</div>
<div align="center">
In THIS moment?</div>
<div align="center">
If not then distance yourself. Until that person in question learns to treat you the way you deserve to be treated & gains respect for you.</div>
<div align="center">
I KNOW how hard this is.</div>
<div align="center">
But as hard as it is you need to find a way to</div>
<div align="center">
LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN HIM.</div>
<div align="center">
That may sound impossible but trust me when i say it is necessary.</div>
<div align="center">
Cause one day he may not be there, & you will want to fall apart.</div>
<div align="center">
You will need to be strong if this happens & have some love for yourself so you don't destroy yourself.</div>
<div align="center">
I am still learning how to do this.</div>
<div align="center">
But i work on it everyday. I guess it's easier for me to refrain from self loathing to too far of an extent at this point in time because i HAVE to take care of myself.</div>
<div align="center">
I CANNOT let myself fall apart & i CANNOT give up </div>
<div align="center">
because i'm responsible for another human being besides myself</div>
<div align="center">
Some of you </div>
<div align="center">
(MOST I HOPE)</div>
<div align="center">
won't have this same excuse to keep it together.</div>
<div align="center">
But really</div>
<div align="center">
You CANNOT change him. You CANNOT make him treat you right. You CANNOT make him care.</div>
<div align="center">
And this has NOTHING to do with you. </div>
<div align="center">
It has EVERYTHING to do with him.</div>
<div align="center">
And the choices he makes.</div>
<div align="center">
Yes, he CHOOSES to do this too.</div>
<div align="center">
He will tell you, you deserve better than what he gives you. That he needs to do better.</div>
<div align="center">
BUT words without actions are worth about 2 big brown shits.</div>
<div align="center">
There is nothing you CAN or SHOULD have to change about yourself to fix things.</div>
<div align="center">
This is NOT YOUR MESS.</div>
<div align="center">
If you ever want things to get better though you need to be the one to change.</div>
<div align="center">
Cause chances are if he's the one reaping all the benefits</div>
<div align="center">
'GETTING his cake and EATING it too'</div>
<div align="center">
he is not going to do a DAMN thing to upset the current state of things</div>
<div align="center">
Why should he?</div>
<div align="center">
He still gets to be 'one of the boys', have all the freedom he could desire, stay in a constant state of carefree, and STILL have you on the side when ever he wants.</div>
<div align="center">
He DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU.</div>
<div align="center">
He probably tells you he does, and he has probably convinced himself that he might.</div>
<div align="center">
BUT trust me when i say this is for his sake.</div>
<div align="center">
NOT YOURS</div>
<div align="center">
You do not destroy people you care about.</div>
<div align="center">
You DESERVE better.</div>
<div align="center">
You DESERVE someone who is willing to put in AS MUCH IF NOT MORE than you are.</div>
<div align="center">
You DESERVE having every day be YOUR NEW FAVORITE DAY!</div>
<div align="center">
So please girls. DO NOT SETTLE.</div>
<div align="center">
I'm not saying he's not the one. I sincerly hope that he is your one and only.</div>
<div align="center">
However do NOT let him treat you like you are ANYTHING less than amazing.</div>
<div align="center">
One and only's are meant to go both ways.</div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
</div>
<div align="center">
PS</div>
<div align="center">
Really DO AS I SAY, NOT AS I'VE DONE.</div>
<div align="center">
Im 22 years old. Single. And pregnant.</div>
<div align="center">
Pretty pregnant</div>
<div align="center">
Over 7 months pregnant.</div>
<div align="center">
And my pregnancy is rapidly approaching its end.</div>
<div align="center">
In some ways this is a relieving thought.</div>
<div align="center">
NOT BEING PREGNANT ANYMORE??</div>
<div align="center">
FANNNNNNNNTASTIC!</div>
<div align="center">
But to be honest it's a more terrifying than anything.</div>
<div align="center">
I'm entering my third trimester & i still have</div>
<div align="center">
NO IDEA</div>
<div align="center">
what i'm going to do..</div>
<div align="center">
This is nothing like what i expected my life to be like.</div>
<div align="center">
ESPECIALLY</div>
<div align="center">
After meeting the father of our now growing child..</div>
<div align="center">
This is DEFINETLY not what i expected my first pregnancy to be.</div>
<div align="center">
The single part.</div>
<div align="center">
I expected this invasion of my body to be pretty awful</div>
<div align="center">
(and it has NOT disappointed)</div>
<div align="center">
Especially since the father of my child was with me for 1&1/2 years</div>
<div align="center">
No one would have ever guess that though the way he treated me.</div>
<div align="center">
People STILL wouldn't believe it if i didn't have evidence sitting heavily on my midsection</div>
<div align="center">
Technically we dated for 6 months.</div>
<div align="center">
And then i was more or less (or MORE) his</div>
<div align="center">
DIRTY LITTLE SECRET </div>
<div align="center">
For 12 more months</div>
<div align="center">
And I ALLOWED it to happen..</div>
<div align="center">
Was i wrong to allow it to happen?</div>
<div align="center">
ABSOLUTELY.</div>
<div align="center">
And from more than even a religious standpoint.</div>
<div align="center">
From the point of being a human being it was wrong to allow that sort of abuse.</div>
<div align="center">
Most people look at the word 'abuse' and they think only of the physical form.</div>
<div align="center">
Lets be clear that is NOT the kind I speak of.</div>
<div align="center">
I allowed him to convince me time and time again he DID care about me. </div>
<div align="center">
He WOULD do better.</div>
<div align="center">
He WOULD treat me better.</div>
<div align="center">
That never happened. And I never pushed for it.</div>
<div align="center">
Not REALLY pushed for it anyways.</div>
<div align="center">
I was willing to put up with all his excuses if it meant i got to keep him.</div>
<div align="center">
I'd let everything slide.</div>
<div align="center">
I allowed him to treat me like a second class citizen.</div>
<div align="center">
And when we'd screw up morally I'd allow him to treat me like it was my fault.</div>
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When his christian guilt would kick in & he'd push me away like i was the reason for all of our sins.</div>
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I TOOK it.</div>
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And i let him tell me he was </div>
<div align="center">
'Sorry for messing up.. again.'</div>
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Little did i realize you can make a mistake </div>
<div align="center">
ONCE</div>
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after that it's a </div>
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CHOICE..</div>
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Guess what it didn't get better.</div>
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And eventually it caught up with us.</div>
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Well with ME at first</div>
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Honestly I'm still not sure how much of it will really affect him</div>
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Some might say we had a good run</div>
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(as sick an sadistic as that sounds??)</div>
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Our sins didn't catch up with us for a long time</div>
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Alas I still ended up pregnant.</div>
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Ever so convex and alone..</div>
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The biggest problem that led to all this?</div>
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I LOVED HIM MORE THAN I LOVED MYSELF </div>
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&</div>
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HE DIDN'T LOVE ANYONE BUT HIMSELF..</div>
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</div>
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I know </div>
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What a pathetic sob story.. brought this upon herself..Who cares(no one probably)</div>
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Blah blah blah</div>
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But really ladies</div>
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Heed my words</div>
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YE BE WARNED</div>
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</div>
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</div>
amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-27574300045432619702012-12-08T23:45:00.002-08:002012-12-08T23:45:19.882-08:00It won't happen to me.. Until it did..<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">What to expect.. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Not exactly what you were expecting..</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">People have been procreating since the dawn of time</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Pregnancy is NOT </span><span style="font-size: large;">a new happening..</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"> however up until recently I always viewed it a LOT differently than it actually is..</span> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">more magical? more glamorous? more glowy? less fat?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">WAY FREAKIN EASIER???</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">perhaps..</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
now most reading this are now wondering</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">'How could Amy possibly know all this?'</span><br />
hmmm<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">well....</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZf8OJpz_1NUGngkTpS8jbBVbsbMqAzCNLM35QmNYni3_JhwY2XgskgNRejyMIz6tsjKj_29CTTyb5KUy4jkJlSysUtSII9TzOSD2-xpsOeaAHjcdji9MMWcrqGGBgmSB73tnRgqdWdbSQ/s1600/CB4A0C09-1F69-4CDD-B4AC-263537336B72.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZf8OJpz_1NUGngkTpS8jbBVbsbMqAzCNLM35QmNYni3_JhwY2XgskgNRejyMIz6tsjKj_29CTTyb5KUy4jkJlSysUtSII9TzOSD2-xpsOeaAHjcdji9MMWcrqGGBgmSB73tnRgqdWdbSQ/s320/CB4A0C09-1F69-4CDD-B4AC-263537336B72.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">that's right!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am now a bona fide member of the 'Holy Vessel Hoes'</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">joke</span></div>
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there isn't actually a club</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">BUT </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">if there was, we'd have jackets</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Now that I have embarked on this journey known as</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">PREGNANCY</span></div>
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(where there is only one, yes ONE!!, way out)</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPv5qiJt-pCWSOOhzUgU8tUW1nZqWz_0QnTDaea1A-KkEk_dnn-ECy5_Wjr6Vh9WpUYzqRVvE6VM8lNW7hf_tsr4Jn6WiqGCSkrBdlv6a2851zHP5RHgwFb5zuYH41Mee8tDmu6c26sUiv/s1600/0A31D504-1155-442F-81D7-DA9EF46C7D9E.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPv5qiJt-pCWSOOhzUgU8tUW1nZqWz_0QnTDaea1A-KkEk_dnn-ECy5_Wjr6Vh9WpUYzqRVvE6VM8lNW7hf_tsr4Jn6WiqGCSkrBdlv6a2851zHP5RHgwFb5zuYH41Mee8tDmu6c26sUiv/s200/0A31D504-1155-442F-81D7-DA9EF46C7D9E.PNG" width="150" /></a></div>
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</div>
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(childbirth)</div>
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(EEEEK!)</div>
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</div>
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Now that my secret is not so secret I would like to clear up some common</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>MISS</strong>conceptions </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">over the </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u><strong>"Miracle"</strong></u></span></div>
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that is known as childbearing..</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I mean sure</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">the outcome is wonderful</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">as long as it's a cute baby, and yes folks, let's be frank</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Ugly babies exist!</span></div>
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And they could happen to you</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>BUT</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">the road to that screaming poopy bundle of baby</span></div>
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(pregnancy)</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">and it is a looooong hard one <u>not meant for the faint of heart</u></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">which is probably why it is a job <strong>specifically</strong> for womenfolk..</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u><strong>1. Bleeding gums of the worlds unite!</strong></u></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMwokz4_vHm4fGhk22pRiz-p7Lb2RzypLrL5m5nPCYAJmvKTbBqrCyHav_lBz9VDI5i3s9x9mLPCDXgQZG7NsZYURGzG5kAUuvG2w15MH_SS-kjCe4sIYsWwRjoT16sy4asTXME9X39qQX/s1600/8B6B7FCD-2D0F-4EC7-A921-48FF7245FC2D.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMwokz4_vHm4fGhk22pRiz-p7Lb2RzypLrL5m5nPCYAJmvKTbBqrCyHav_lBz9VDI5i3s9x9mLPCDXgQZG7NsZYURGzG5kAUuvG2w15MH_SS-kjCe4sIYsWwRjoT16sy4asTXME9X39qQX/s320/8B6B7FCD-2D0F-4EC7-A921-48FF7245FC2D.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I brush AND floss</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">regularly</span></div>
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I don't pride myself on many aspects of my hygiene..</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">BUT</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">oral hygiene I take <strong>Schneriously!</strong></span></div>
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thanks to my wacky hormones anytime I brush my teeth</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I look like I just crawled out of an MMA ring</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">my teeth are so bloody it looks as though I might have just gargled with <strong>type O..</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Now my toothbrush sesh's feel like a Twilight book.. </span></div>
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not quite so bad that they feel like a Twilight movie though..</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>2. I'm not fat I'm pregnant!</strong></span></div>
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Okay okay so I'm a little fat.. But I'm also with child</div>
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I am an admittedly overly healthy eater.. I can take it to scary strict levels</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">While I've been preggers though I have been more lax</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Not that I binge on Cheetos and ice cream 24/7</span></div>
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I have not gone Jessica Simpson with this..</div>
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"Uh...i can hear you getting fatter"</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYqIPu-3pnvlSNXjzrZPsNEgf6v0rEf1qEM-udkSLxTkHCQROjGwkQ2CYRr0KcEiRliHOOvk1JDfE8_wKZYyv-gHrOA_Tj0PKB4lhm8GJz7Pr9vPPGQ1OfpBFd3ZwbVtFV0vZXsEKNHdyA/s1600/23100E7E-CFD0-4AC2-984A-1B5D5BDC9EE1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiYqIPu-3pnvlSNXjzrZPsNEgf6v0rEf1qEM-udkSLxTkHCQROjGwkQ2CYRr0KcEiRliHOOvk1JDfE8_wKZYyv-gHrOA_Tj0PKB4lhm8GJz7Pr9vPPGQ1OfpBFd3ZwbVtFV0vZXsEKNHdyA/s320/23100E7E-CFD0-4AC2-984A-1B5D5BDC9EE1.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">YET I have still managed to gain a whopping</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">TWENTY pounds</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuLbClIDBcJ6uvtXm5h1t0b4tJF4yhRlbq-VgsN0C6zo3UKp8UuC6Rof8DpJRhqxZ21NEhn0pTH7tRxDLozBMf7XVjVGyREyZB3x01TqVRc7AwXQCvawJ8P3dohPuqwO6DVBvS0sgTLdbn/s1600/F5AB32C2-EB65-4F56-9742-C51DDA709473.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuLbClIDBcJ6uvtXm5h1t0b4tJF4yhRlbq-VgsN0C6zo3UKp8UuC6Rof8DpJRhqxZ21NEhn0pTH7tRxDLozBMf7XVjVGyREyZB3x01TqVRc7AwXQCvawJ8P3dohPuqwO6DVBvS0sgTLdbn/s320/F5AB32C2-EB65-4F56-9742-C51DDA709473.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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</div>
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At 7 months I'm not sure if this is good or bad</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">But at 150 lbs.. I feel like a whale..</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">A fat whale..</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">With a badonkadonk that would make Nicki Minaj super jelly!</span></div>
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what can i say i was predispositioned to be a ghetto booty poster child.. thanks mom</div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">3. Bladder capacity?? What bladder capacity??</span></strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkBmxECLyCmUafCTIvgTg19F23OLQLIliATMWBZ_0-_0hVmEhkLdxblBhKVsJQQUfTQ1jazccqSj3SYqV4t4odpSThvifLSjGijD5kHe0cus6W3Tg0Pm0bKq2NS2vRDGh5FGvGAjz0iKum/s1600/A913A030-2F90-4F0E-B4F9-567EAAD49F57.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkBmxECLyCmUafCTIvgTg19F23OLQLIliATMWBZ_0-_0hVmEhkLdxblBhKVsJQQUfTQ1jazccqSj3SYqV4t4odpSThvifLSjGijD5kHe0cus6W3Tg0Pm0bKq2NS2vRDGh5FGvGAjz0iKum/s320/A913A030-2F90-4F0E-B4F9-567EAAD49F57.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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I am on the can </div>
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CONSTANTLY</div>
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it got better during the 2nd trimester</div>
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but at the beginning i should have just moved my bed into the bathroom..</div>
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8 bathroom runs a were a nightly occurance</div>
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now that i'm entering the 3rd we'll see how the ole pee bag does..</div>
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</div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">4. But i am le' tired.</span></strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn1gEcqy2JhukD96W-UNrrTGJAW7D_5beHP21O3WPWEDxJdoBfxFVxnZjPfgjUYVFiayS7rVC4L4Zssa4kH7U6F2cSgEx5fL7NSS_Mn4VTUh8FVXVjoS84jF2fS-EID7FfOVlh9RRsF8kB/s1600/6DC9CE71-C87D-43F1-8330-83D372DD9BB1.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn1gEcqy2JhukD96W-UNrrTGJAW7D_5beHP21O3WPWEDxJdoBfxFVxnZjPfgjUYVFiayS7rVC4L4Zssa4kH7U6F2cSgEx5fL7NSS_Mn4VTUh8FVXVjoS84jF2fS-EID7FfOVlh9RRsF8kB/s320/6DC9CE71-C87D-43F1-8330-83D372DD9BB1.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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Never in my whole life have i needed </div>
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SOOO </div>
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many naps.. not even when i was little and naps were socially acceptable!</div>
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growing another little person is</div>
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HARD WORK!</div>
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and if i don't get 10 hours of good quality shut eye</div>
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i am as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop..</div>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-bJsbj673AxAUUJ-h8MnGDSiBamCh_kh7XdyGtz60HOctKP4WB1WTUmCP3gDn2GwP0Xj282n1NHrmlRrIdqbOGIa7uWrW6dDo2TGJd6hKYEsoKbz3__1NKmNRZHAxd_aOrI18QLEZ6Cku/s1600/EB6F5300-AD45-4ACF-A2C6-CA5D9F7AF065.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-bJsbj673AxAUUJ-h8MnGDSiBamCh_kh7XdyGtz60HOctKP4WB1WTUmCP3gDn2GwP0Xj282n1NHrmlRrIdqbOGIa7uWrW6dDo2TGJd6hKYEsoKbz3__1NKmNRZHAxd_aOrI18QLEZ6Cku/s320/EB6F5300-AD45-4ACF-A2C6-CA5D9F7AF065.PNG" width="298" /></a></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">5. BURN BABY BURN</span></strong></div>
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</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4eq47GgEdTYKHV-LDx1k9Buuj4nWGGVbP_cH5ywdSCqnpCFLhIJiO-HL8YAqccTLkoHFpMeCOnagjCBZlDNMJ5qpyGPUMjvLTzhNzaDDUVv0Epe-prQ1bor0KA7IBxiBGByivHp-2apQX/s1600/A3098836-C2F6-4EA8-9E9A-A712A39708AB.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4eq47GgEdTYKHV-LDx1k9Buuj4nWGGVbP_cH5ywdSCqnpCFLhIJiO-HL8YAqccTLkoHFpMeCOnagjCBZlDNMJ5qpyGPUMjvLTzhNzaDDUVv0Epe-prQ1bor0KA7IBxiBGByivHp-2apQX/s320/A3098836-C2F6-4EA8-9E9A-A712A39708AB.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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i know, i know, it's cliche for a preggers lady to complain about heartburn</div>
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but this shit is real..</div>
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i avoided it for 5 &1/2 months and then </div>
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BAM</div>
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my throat is being eated by hellish flames</div>
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</div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">ALSO</span></strong></div>
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my whole life i have always been cold..</div>
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UNTIL NOW.. </div>
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i'm hot all the time</div>
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trying to sleep is the worst..</div>
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i would probably have better luck at not overheating if i slept naked</div>
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if i didn't have such an aversion to my naked body..</div>
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just know, when you're knocked up, you will constantly be wondering </div>
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who turned the thermostat setting to </div>
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<strong>HELL</strong></div>
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</div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">6. Achey Breaky BACK</span></strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgvCeT8tdrSq0MDQKmq11jGC6Vk8-ulr2k65Sosd4Sx22ZO5oQtK6SKsRmg7uEF7KMX35gOmbw1A_Ty5QI_9uF-_oBoH732vCV9vUyOJoOp3wxUGcCoUHzODrIFGZvBCiUNHDArkI-mV9w/s1600/1DCD146E-A39A-4E6E-B359-555796459E05.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgvCeT8tdrSq0MDQKmq11jGC6Vk8-ulr2k65Sosd4Sx22ZO5oQtK6SKsRmg7uEF7KMX35gOmbw1A_Ty5QI_9uF-_oBoH732vCV9vUyOJoOp3wxUGcCoUHzODrIFGZvBCiUNHDArkI-mV9w/s320/1DCD146E-A39A-4E6E-B359-555796459E05.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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Have you ever had someone kick you repeatedly in the tailbone??</div>
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well</div>
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pregnancy has more or more the same effect..</div>
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(good news i figured out what's causing this agonized back pain.. i'm growing another human being.. i guess that'll put a LITTLE extra strain on your body)</div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>7. Smells like Teen Spirit.. only worse..</strong></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtcDs0cp6L1IN3F2Q-pacTuLJG4PsVcLDNAjpnLUa4G252bWTS3uzk86ordnpUUOqpgYh8zfyanYUt1k-iZW6-RDwM3KpR9aWe83s-3v8tuaQ41lOJ8i0MCliLrx9mM1ZzkPHXpKs-2iGU/s1600/558E558D-854D-47FE-AE29-A271AE0D89E2.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtcDs0cp6L1IN3F2Q-pacTuLJG4PsVcLDNAjpnLUa4G252bWTS3uzk86ordnpUUOqpgYh8zfyanYUt1k-iZW6-RDwM3KpR9aWe83s-3v8tuaQ41lOJ8i0MCliLrx9mM1ZzkPHXpKs-2iGU/s320/558E558D-854D-47FE-AE29-A271AE0D89E2.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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i have never had a keen sense of smell..</div>
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bloodhound i am not</div>
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i was the child growing up that when everyone if the class was like</div>
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"WHO BEEFED!"</div>
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i had to pretend like i smelled it too cause really my nasal cavity wasn't offended</div>
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i just didn't want them to think it was me..</div>
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HOWEVER</div>
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thanks to my condition i have acquired a slightly better sniffer..</div>
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but it doesn't apply to all areas..</div>
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i still can't smell good smells but oh my heck bad smells have been amplified to unGodly levels..</div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>8. Heavy breathing.. NOT just for perverts..</strong></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNJ29RkKkaFbGdR9qwOPdA_XUPgRyZ9cvr3rfE4CJbZa_ZTFa-mKYF7bLSyg6imwbwwlEqNt79YccUYNYLPgbbjoO9FlgtRP4cFiSsDe04cc1A6-gOF9lywyrrbpgJXAdb7U98T9ylbqV9/s1600/E904E477-DC4C-4FC6-8A6E-903187463686.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNJ29RkKkaFbGdR9qwOPdA_XUPgRyZ9cvr3rfE4CJbZa_ZTFa-mKYF7bLSyg6imwbwwlEqNt79YccUYNYLPgbbjoO9FlgtRP4cFiSsDe04cc1A6-gOF9lywyrrbpgJXAdb7U98T9ylbqV9/s320/E904E477-DC4C-4FC6-8A6E-903187463686.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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while we're on the subject of noses i must address</div>
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<strong>STUFFY SINUS..</strong></div>
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my nose is always plugged up.. booger production has been kicked into high gear..</div>
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so now</div>
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thanks to that cute symptom..</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"> My name is Amy, and i'm a creepy mouth breather</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong>9. I can count to POTATO!</strong></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJPRwqFjufyHdOVXn5ldQWm_x0kiAyTFqt2KlH25WyPZNCCW8reWueb7XQ-RjALTGwq1mgf5JhcM0_-OvgWw23Zg2NWrXmDdlqPCHZS3zXuO1hw7UxXWwL7tPbC0tBTS6ijheygc0MtA9I/s1600/1B436640-D303-4D2E-A0DA-98A48B9CF0ED.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJPRwqFjufyHdOVXn5ldQWm_x0kiAyTFqt2KlH25WyPZNCCW8reWueb7XQ-RjALTGwq1mgf5JhcM0_-OvgWw23Zg2NWrXmDdlqPCHZS3zXuO1hw7UxXWwL7tPbC0tBTS6ijheygc0MtA9I/s320/1B436640-D303-4D2E-A0DA-98A48B9CF0ED.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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pregnancy brain is real folks..</div>
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and it affects countless women everyday</div>
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at this point i could probably plan a surprise party for myself...</div>
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<u><strong>"John Hancock...it's Herbie Hancock"</strong></u></div>
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</div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">10. The world is a fuzzy place</span></strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsQIthi0zJ8IRF_5I38jI1lDrWFEq0zM3ZAKrtl2bgSWCnsdpHdJ2NPcFiuuwzadZ7lfvAKTtuPDAs-Wow1zl8UzAq4L5OOgrseIAVDefTMqQCUqlQnynkKzuV00pt2HmnzHG6DYvgTK4r/s1600/B0839CF7-A4F6-4652-B162-17F380368A5E.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsQIthi0zJ8IRF_5I38jI1lDrWFEq0zM3ZAKrtl2bgSWCnsdpHdJ2NPcFiuuwzadZ7lfvAKTtuPDAs-Wow1zl8UzAq4L5OOgrseIAVDefTMqQCUqlQnynkKzuV00pt2HmnzHG6DYvgTK4r/s320/B0839CF7-A4F6-4652-B162-17F380368A5E.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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my vision has gotten</div>
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EXCEEDINGLY </div>
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worse as my pregnancy has progressed..</div>
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night driving?? forget about it..</div>
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i mean i still do it </div>
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but OBVIOUSLY i haven't always made the smartest decisions (i.e. my baby bump)</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;"> </span></strong></div>
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" style="width: 510px;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td class="quoteBy2" valign="top" width="150"></td>
<td class="quoteBy" width="10"></td>
<td align="left" class="body" valign="bottom" width="350"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong>11 ..its called reading, top to
bottom, left to right, group words together as a sentence, take tylenol for any
<u>headaches</u>, midol for any cramps ...</strong></span></td></tr>
</tbody>
</table>
</span></strong><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSEzycrMAAUBq-WU7zwnM2t0EFtJpQRYX2CwbqkR1KLxtYYOt-i5gzRuemeAVzpvrnU2DF2Pc7FStjYOESdZTpv0rAGeW7bTFQ7gzSiy_yfQDikeXflIcBOKICrNB_af3g9Exu1FOruBY_/s1600/2B402694-F56A-4333-8E32-AA838F4EAB06.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSEzycrMAAUBq-WU7zwnM2t0EFtJpQRYX2CwbqkR1KLxtYYOt-i5gzRuemeAVzpvrnU2DF2Pc7FStjYOESdZTpv0rAGeW7bTFQ7gzSiy_yfQDikeXflIcBOKICrNB_af3g9Exu1FOruBY_/s320/2B402694-F56A-4333-8E32-AA838F4EAB06.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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i have suffered chronic headaches my whole pregnancy</div>
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only had full blown migraines a few times..</div>
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but on most days it feels like elephants are tap dancing with soccer cleats on my brain..</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">so there it is</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">a glimpse into a world that i've now discovered to be</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">OH SO GLAMOROUS</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">thanks to good decision making at it's finest</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL0w9_hiW7Ibm9bMjHROunSiGoce8vD1g5z4Etlgt4AmdMvFOnkm8j0ID_P3dN-3YOnn3f5HzFYjzs3Aqt6sarymxM2X5WQiBCHfOi1eaN8Gn_qDGkbnSW24OL6RIj7gG0THcqygrsTuID/s1600/8B501B25-D741-455B-8C94-768D352CF0F9.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgL0w9_hiW7Ibm9bMjHROunSiGoce8vD1g5z4Etlgt4AmdMvFOnkm8j0ID_P3dN-3YOnn3f5HzFYjzs3Aqt6sarymxM2X5WQiBCHfOi1eaN8Gn_qDGkbnSW24OL6RIj7gG0THcqygrsTuID/s320/8B501B25-D741-455B-8C94-768D352CF0F9.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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you're welcome PETA</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">also</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLocbhgmO4CcTp6fBc5JamaF7eGoHvtEQ9SXyZYgMA6gdhA36I7_wET6D2BiPKQs2puE0URYKrxMXML-Akjskx74bF3CEhyKUIFZKQefK4t41uPlM_KDmFURw6dEr4ZYucmMFgDBIDdoLh/s1600/A6E8B003-48BA-4657-9E04-FA8B7706AA49.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLocbhgmO4CcTp6fBc5JamaF7eGoHvtEQ9SXyZYgMA6gdhA36I7_wET6D2BiPKQs2puE0URYKrxMXML-Akjskx74bF3CEhyKUIFZKQefK4t41uPlM_KDmFURw6dEr4ZYucmMFgDBIDdoLh/s320/A6E8B003-48BA-4657-9E04-FA8B7706AA49.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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seriously don't touch me... and don't touch my belly..</div>
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it's not like you can rub it for good luck..</div>
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</div>
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</div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">FINALLY</span></strong> </div>
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Here is preg-related media i enjoyed..</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg0TbbPqW-osX1LlfxnuaVAQtjfbXNM6Lwaqtw6HcPrTv1Ctm8cYedNqfx7hHFVhR5u0pgwgSi1YkyU-uU2AnEB94PaRUDO_Hn4JXDYQSZPFGdNLL5-yI4zqyZ_CCPPlVx4-87bpLI9iBC/s1600/8EEFFC9A-E7E4-4A4A-B8BC-653491C5CC29.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg0TbbPqW-osX1LlfxnuaVAQtjfbXNM6Lwaqtw6HcPrTv1Ctm8cYedNqfx7hHFVhR5u0pgwgSi1YkyU-uU2AnEB94PaRUDO_Hn4JXDYQSZPFGdNLL5-yI4zqyZ_CCPPlVx4-87bpLI9iBC/s320/8EEFFC9A-E7E4-4A4A-B8BC-653491C5CC29.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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..and there goes my childhood...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkAtmb-ZJAafi3v1uV1qH9Xbvbc7c7tH74mmve-tvVA1_vyv2vZmtqeeSCFWJoUfBDbg-geWXZUybaaYKbe9us9W7LwtgK6iWxhUIruCZ8CxPt4e_B5CEc3GeIf_evkA2DrAyLX576e-VW/s1600/6AF3B7B8-D6AB-48C5-980F-55CE78298A5A.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkAtmb-ZJAafi3v1uV1qH9Xbvbc7c7tH74mmve-tvVA1_vyv2vZmtqeeSCFWJoUfBDbg-geWXZUybaaYKbe9us9W7LwtgK6iWxhUIruCZ8CxPt4e_B5CEc3GeIf_evkA2DrAyLX576e-VW/s320/6AF3B7B8-D6AB-48C5-980F-55CE78298A5A.PNG" width="298" /></a></div>
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something doesn't add up..</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGu2_TQTnFVzll6hf2UpqYD3rc-Ar4YM0irP5UNN9v2ulH0ZttRtwEThze0ef7BdLoh_Dz7u_7gDoZE1euUtFVmwZ59g7_SF9smoIWcdCeeiTUQ5ExCV0X1DwrDhNsJWofCAW45vND1za5/s1600/D2939F40-9B9D-4309-9CE3-AA9994DFBC53.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGu2_TQTnFVzll6hf2UpqYD3rc-Ar4YM0irP5UNN9v2ulH0ZttRtwEThze0ef7BdLoh_Dz7u_7gDoZE1euUtFVmwZ59g7_SF9smoIWcdCeeiTUQ5ExCV0X1DwrDhNsJWofCAW45vND1za5/s320/D2939F40-9B9D-4309-9CE3-AA9994DFBC53.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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not everyone was meant for motherhood.. obvi</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxDd77PgI26Dj_H3hlEMOfJxaQo04OnYEXN-fj-FXD6hZZ3EngSKLikI_gDltTQVK_RGmTz6el05kUpK7GKaNOcBRYAUWIAlH5faEYFm37WZ-7wqL5gnv-4en3gT_er5UK1eFvOFbnHiiS/s1600/70185302-D6A9-4453-8666-9C076997AD02.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxDd77PgI26Dj_H3hlEMOfJxaQo04OnYEXN-fj-FXD6hZZ3EngSKLikI_gDltTQVK_RGmTz6el05kUpK7GKaNOcBRYAUWIAlH5faEYFm37WZ-7wqL5gnv-4en3gT_er5UK1eFvOFbnHiiS/s320/70185302-D6A9-4453-8666-9C076997AD02.PNG" width="298" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitKmvEJN0VR-MxT3Ly3s2OvyWMnvchyX_xyGttSHlSgrpjf1jo_NJyXgtYPWhUm2RN1-O5zRnyUb6YDRDAL788sKOFGqb6dDAUAnYF_KoTWcHrqebG_md0JedAQql0SRP4kGEJ6kha3TiJ/s1600/E577068A-7804-48F6-B88F-4D9E4056CE77.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitKmvEJN0VR-MxT3Ly3s2OvyWMnvchyX_xyGttSHlSgrpjf1jo_NJyXgtYPWhUm2RN1-O5zRnyUb6YDRDAL788sKOFGqb6dDAUAnYF_KoTWcHrqebG_md0JedAQql0SRP4kGEJ6kha3TiJ/s320/E577068A-7804-48F6-B88F-4D9E4056CE77.PNG" width="240" /></a></div>
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that's amazazing</div>
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this perfectly embodies what every pregnant woman feels like 25/8</div>
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pregnancy at it's classiest</div>
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preggers plank</div>
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good thing she remembered her scarf set.. otherwise she would have look completely ridiculous standing out in the snow..</div>
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color me judgemental but.. what kind of a name is 'Junge'?</div>
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amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-6319305603086700842012-10-18T09:46:00.000-07:002012-10-18T09:46:48.670-07:00if i wanted to hear what an asshole had to say i would have farted<div align="center">
<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">..If I Wanted to Hear What An Asshole</span></strong></div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">Had to Say I Would Have Farted..</span></strong></div>
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So for those of you who don't know I have been in Florida for the past 2&1/2 weeks..</div>
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thought i'd come down & get in touch with my 'brown roots'</div>
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<strong>JOKE..</strong></div>
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wow sometimes i sound really racist</div>
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i'm not</div>
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i just have a scewed sense of thinking..</div>
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actually i'm really here to take care of my youngest sister Lyvie..</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">^MEET LYVIE^</span></div>
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...............................</div>
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<strong>JOKE..</strong> THIS IS OLYVIA</div>
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That was a random hobo i found in Couer D'Alene..</div>
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..apparently when it comes to bums.. </div>
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<strong><u>..Northern Idaho plays to win..</u></strong></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">ANYWAYS!</span></div>
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...................................................................</div>
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.....................................</div>
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Back to my original train of thought</div>
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You're probably wondering what the title of this post has to do with this actual post</div>
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the answer</div>
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<u>..nothing.. so far..</u></div>
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i'm about to change that right now</div>
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Many of you are aware that it is an election year</div>
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The only way you could NOT be aware is if you are </div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u>a.dead or b.honey boo boo</u></span></div>
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While i've been aware that Florida is a <em><span style="font-size: large;">swing state</span></em></div>
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(They only highlight it as need-to-win EVERY. STINKING. ELECTION)</div>
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I had <strong>NO</strong> idea how many political ads </div>
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<strong><span style="font-size: large;">BOMBARD</span></strong></div>
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this penninsula errrrrrr 4 years..</div>
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basically i everywhere i turn i hear/read/SMELL political advertisments</div>
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my ears are BLEEDING OUT over the whole ordeal</div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">DON'T GET ME WRONG!</span></div>
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I am an informed voter</div>
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I follow the convention, the debates, the statistics</div>
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BUT</div>
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past that</div>
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i DO NOT want to hear the <u>he said, he did, he DIDN'T</u></div>
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<u>(ps.. he really didn't.. do anything right..)</u></div>
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so i decided because i hate all the commercials feeding me lies & massive steaming piles of excrement</div>
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i was going to make a post</div>
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FOCUSING </div>
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on some of my favorite commercials</div>
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<strong>& because they are MY faveys they are awesome!</strong></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjpG0D4WyqQ">Frank</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URPBSwW4_a4">There's NO RULES!</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IkYBB_N2hjo">PUSH IT</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o0B5vuAYk94&feature=related">:)</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk7yqlTMvp8">My Legacy</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgSv1SKCteQ">Hellooooo Mrs. Jensen</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4SD2NJUDWA&feature=related">Happy Holidays:)</a></div>
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amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-18726536218188788112012-09-17T17:56:00.004-07:002012-09-17T17:56:56.314-07:00HAIR today..GONE tomorrow..<h2 align="center">
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><u>Hair Today.. Gone Tomorrow..</u></span></h2>
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><strong>We DeCoria's have acquired a</strong></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><u><strong>PRIDE</strong></u></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: large;"><strong>of cats over the years..</strong></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: large;">Our most recent addition is Miss Kitty, aka. M.K, aka Frank..</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">joke we don't ever call her Frank..</span></div>
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<span style="color: lime; font-size: large;">anyways she is <u>Ms. Long Hair Don't Care</u></span></div>
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<span style="color: lime; font-size: large;">coolest cat ever!</span></div>
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<span style="color: lime; font-size: large;"><strong>seriously</strong></span></div>
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<span style="color: lime; font-size: large;">even the biggest cat haters are put under her spell after being in her presence for mere minutes..</span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;">only down side to her is she gets dredlocks..</span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-size: large;"><u>RASTA FELINE EXTRODINAIRE</u></span></div>
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<span style="color: #741b47;">& she get's them RIGHT up in her business.. up next to her skin..</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">making it dang near impossible to cut out with scissors</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">so today we were feeling <strong>particularly bold</strong></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">& decided that <u>we were going to shave the dreds out of her pits..</u></span></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">so we got all of our tools ready:</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">Clippers</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">Towel</span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;">Finely chopped hotdog</span></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">and away we went:)</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKW8oFQM5VascWG1xS8Ffinsu9w-MG49BG9WIcqPHs_HRAnvE0EHdSdKaEA91SBzNOcET_3Hl-zFO2Q_k2mLx8IIap3j5Rfs3yQ2Y1tZ523adKKUB3ZEwQktc2VcEMojyHPDJeSopIfHIF/s1600/088.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKW8oFQM5VascWG1xS8Ffinsu9w-MG49BG9WIcqPHs_HRAnvE0EHdSdKaEA91SBzNOcET_3Hl-zFO2Q_k2mLx8IIap3j5Rfs3yQ2Y1tZ523adKKUB3ZEwQktc2VcEMojyHPDJeSopIfHIF/s640/088.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">so here we are at the beginning of it all.. <u>we had actually just got done shaving 1 pit..</u> when Nicole decided she was going for</span> </span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: magenta; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><u>WIFE OF THE YEAR</u></span></h2>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #674ea7;">& decided that we should just <u>shave her like a LION for Phil</u></span><u>!</u></h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0sg81GU-oTLjU2sIUM_sFC1ABp_K49YcPBJ_FHeEwSgf7Uk5Vauhj-p4qjKJV_76SLkgy_ULwbKhi8d6YS5t1dF3hw-jbB0WA8RC826YyP8uU_ZTA6YCv6MeooRMzCQu60mRADv4L6tjM/s1600/090.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0sg81GU-oTLjU2sIUM_sFC1ABp_K49YcPBJ_FHeEwSgf7Uk5Vauhj-p4qjKJV_76SLkgy_ULwbKhi8d6YS5t1dF3hw-jbB0WA8RC826YyP8uU_ZTA6YCv6MeooRMzCQu60mRADv4L6tjM/s400/090.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: lime; font-size: large;">before we start to rob her of her <strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">crowning glory</span></strong></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCLpX5QvCuJ27QJJSpwhbS7NbGAhWpQFdslCTaVQEr6g1PxdAveGAjLldq5BwW3pUXdAPSupVX1wWnLFgXRyFp5MKvxE56aJtGOCAgJUqgl90gQLBR9_ml8whIb2kqPIMI5S9pyOihQpuR/s1600/091.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCLpX5QvCuJ27QJJSpwhbS7NbGAhWpQFdslCTaVQEr6g1PxdAveGAjLldq5BwW3pUXdAPSupVX1wWnLFgXRyFp5MKvxE56aJtGOCAgJUqgl90gQLBR9_ml8whIb2kqPIMI5S9pyOihQpuR/s640/091.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">ps.. MK is the chillest cat ever..</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"><strong>COLDER THAN ICECUBE!</strong></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta;">^truth^</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;"> as long as she got the <u>occasional hotdog bit</u> & had her head <u>constantly rubbed</u> she was good!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtwTNUTfTUOWd1dR7NFgZdCLaGjq_RhE2E0D7EEzi6Ku7IH-sBMp3tq_LU3AvZlo0WmDyMaMlmmHRA5xhkrX1bqO_z7GMcq6s9jhysHpXNVMtpNnhEmXoKrnHWBIZYsOiIs6U6F5KZcyPi/s1600/092.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtwTNUTfTUOWd1dR7NFgZdCLaGjq_RhE2E0D7EEzi6Ku7IH-sBMp3tq_LU3AvZlo0WmDyMaMlmmHRA5xhkrX1bqO_z7GMcq6s9jhysHpXNVMtpNnhEmXoKrnHWBIZYsOiIs6U6F5KZcyPi/s640/092.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Giving me the evil eye as i start on her belly</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4iL4FnxrCNHq52WxLqM9Zww1fogJtlMKXqQv2eU68fZ54g_HXzdl3OFT2kxSS3kfKIE_7lz18DWYiaPvmhCBtknXCPDuHbmyvi0yRNaW__N-2m48A0ZhOqzJ7Qg2dhoOVQoTqGyZxavNv/s1600/094.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4iL4FnxrCNHq52WxLqM9Zww1fogJtlMKXqQv2eU68fZ54g_HXzdl3OFT2kxSS3kfKIE_7lz18DWYiaPvmhCBtknXCPDuHbmyvi0yRNaW__N-2m48A0ZhOqzJ7Qg2dhoOVQoTqGyZxavNv/s400/094.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: lime;">Miss Kitty just needed a little break before we finished the job</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCI1UKPNOrujdr9r-M46jdvg-XwNcuGynOPmNwZTY0qUQMGq0vVqEE7euFXjnfEM6ZoaC-_u2tzHBHZOf2YiBq2L_5itsMr7gKA1dGDvGI0u2w9nr2QJF8Jflvyv7tpEZcFXMFhnephNRE/s1600/095.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCI1UKPNOrujdr9r-M46jdvg-XwNcuGynOPmNwZTY0qUQMGq0vVqEE7euFXjnfEM6ZoaC-_u2tzHBHZOf2YiBq2L_5itsMr7gKA1dGDvGI0u2w9nr2QJF8Jflvyv7tpEZcFXMFhnephNRE/s640/095.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: purple;">Not completely done with her hack job but as far as we were gonna get today..</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;">we thought she looked </span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-size: x-large;"><strong>FABULOUS</strong></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple;"><u>she had to warm up to her new 'do'..</u></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhuRefjzCR_1bDthn24mugAOW5GwISMcDsmHkhyphenhyphensxRI-upNeHJCXvjrWxkgi4WTt14qXikdm9sZy-ijQ9iM7h3v3ssoC-irLa91yTu42PYso4HQEY_Dn7RSB3ppoXZKG0NCZl3BEzuj27T/s1600/097.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhuRefjzCR_1bDthn24mugAOW5GwISMcDsmHkhyphenhyphensxRI-upNeHJCXvjrWxkgi4WTt14qXikdm9sZy-ijQ9iM7h3v3ssoC-irLa91yTu42PYso4HQEY_Dn7RSB3ppoXZKG0NCZl3BEzuj27T/s640/097.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">considering <u>i do HUMAN hair</u>.. i am actually rather proud of this hack job</span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">my </span><span style="color: magenta; font-size: large;"><strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">mona lisa</span></strong> <span style="color: blue; font-size: small;">if you will</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue;">her <u><span style="font-size: large;">TAIL!</span></u></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP57q3aW7Jya-a_diw7pNNOk3iXev87iE7r4UYxs-brLjj8TIuEFM59AQi57SM9nWl5ZPITAD5aEyVSSSjukd-1tZFbBIMLDRn2OztPnLfo86G8-HbxPaTQebXyOMVmOhR3_y2f38d0qvm/s1600/099.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP57q3aW7Jya-a_diw7pNNOk3iXev87iE7r4UYxs-brLjj8TIuEFM59AQi57SM9nWl5ZPITAD5aEyVSSSjukd-1tZFbBIMLDRn2OztPnLfo86G8-HbxPaTQebXyOMVmOhR3_y2f38d0qvm/s640/099.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: lime;">& so here is <span style="font-size: large;">MK</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: lime; font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">now knowing what's life's like <u>in the shoes of</u></span> Miley Cyrus</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="color: #674ea7;">compliments of:</span></div>
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<span style="color: orange;"><u><strong><span style="font-size: large;">coley:</span></strong>cat holder extrodinaire</u></span></div>
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<span style="color: red;"><u><strong><span style="font-size: large;">mom:</span></strong> second string cat holder <strong>(</strong>due to allergies)</u></span></div>
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<u><span style="color: #674ea7;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">ames:</span> </strong>semi professional cat groomer.. & amature tattoo artist</span></u></div>
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amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-25069263542443524872012-09-16T18:16:00.001-07:002012-09-16T18:27:32.020-07:00FLO-Rida.. <div align="center">
<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">They say go big or go home..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;"> (ps never understood that phrase.. even if you go big you will eventually go home..) </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">..anyways i didn't feel like going home at that exact moment in time so i decided to go to </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: x-large;"><strong>FLO-Rida!</strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">Ps.. realize this is a <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>BIG </strong><span style="font-size: small;">damn deal.. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">cause to travel cross-country it generally involves a plane ride.. </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">which generally means leaving the safety of mother earth..</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">in this case it did..</span></span></span></div>
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<strong><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: yellow;">BUT </span></span></span></strong></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">it was <strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">OLYVIA'S SWEET SIXTEEN BIRTHDAY </span></strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">weekend.. so i being ever the good big sister i am make the journey to b-e-a-utiful</span></div>
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<strong><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-size: large;">Sarasota Florida </span></strong></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">also known as the best locale that, that great peninsula of a state has to offer..</span></div>
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<strong><span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">SERIOUSLY</span></strong></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">the sand feels like a mixture of </span></div>
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<strong><span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">POWDERED SUGAR & HEAVEN!</span></strong></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">& the water in the gulf???</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">feels like <strong>BATHWATER... or like a peespot in a public swimming pool..</strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: orange;">anyways point being</span></div>
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<strong><span style="background-color: black; color: orange; font-size: large;">I had a fabulous time!!</span></strong></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: orange;"><u>Uncle Chuck & Aunt Sara are bomb.com</u></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: orange;">even if their cats are anti-social..(someday we'll be BFF's.. it's inevitable)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">While i consider myself a</span></div>
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<strong><span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;">WORD NINJA! </span></strong></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">able to paint pictures using mere phrases</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">I decided it'd be more fun to just show actual pictures to chronicle our JOURNEY!!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan; font-size: x-large;">ENJOY Y'ALL:)</span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRBYqyZoOZvswGFgZB672Pq9xEipmkUD_j7BrN8NykolwZJm_g6_F_PlkyIueokUJPpzVdeJ5I7LSci_o-P5Qx-7DPM7nLKHaXhJMRQ3w0ZKCLCxMsZdyWqX1W523RvXZlFxSX6wP1ZMPH/s1600/007+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRBYqyZoOZvswGFgZB672Pq9xEipmkUD_j7BrN8NykolwZJm_g6_F_PlkyIueokUJPpzVdeJ5I7LSci_o-P5Qx-7DPM7nLKHaXhJMRQ3w0ZKCLCxMsZdyWqX1W523RvXZlFxSX6wP1ZMPH/s640/007+-+Copy.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">It all started with Mom, Burke, Coley & Gabe</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">(still in utero)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;">attending the Brigham City Temple Open House..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">(me, Lyvie, Aunt Sara, Uncle Chuck, Sophie (cat), & Bandit (cat)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">are already in Florida at this moment)</span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh08E3rFWY_w8B1xRX3bNLZqdg9vB-AkVJCjC6Iw0YMRnaP2iwqvEzjZo0dBRHNsWRnm-bM0t1K8UZta0kWpxP8T8s7YRHKa2akPxkeuX4GFPcj6n8QRYySNUxUKMlCxCJ93ICFh4NcelZ/s1600/010+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh08E3rFWY_w8B1xRX3bNLZqdg9vB-AkVJCjC6Iw0YMRnaP2iwqvEzjZo0dBRHNsWRnm-bM0t1K8UZta0kWpxP8T8s7YRHKa2akPxkeuX4GFPcj6n8QRYySNUxUKMlCxCJ93ICFh4NcelZ/s640/010+-+Copy.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">so..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">on Saturday we decided to go to the beach..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">ps. Sarasota has the <strong>NUMBER ONE BEACHES IN AMERICA!!</strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">true story folks.. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">anyways walking through the beach club to get down to the beach a cement volleyball stand pops out of</span></div>
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<strong><span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;">NO WHERE!!</span></strong></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">& i kick it</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">with stank mind you </span><span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">& i completely rape my toe..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;">i'm talking blood, gore, the whole 9 yards..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">& if that didn't bust it the fact Olyvia kneeled on it directly prior to this picture being taken</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">ensured the fate of my poor little broken piggy..</span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz_hT4r19scbv1HPV9rhsUCBvCbksJOAt_JlBkH2WU6H7resn0jdWD1vx5LjtTI2Xx9NVM2qP38JET1gpYY9oKOMK9DaUTeNN5yVVbFAQwT3tnH44EchasLglwM5JdlzVyTUDpEDqC7k-a/s1600/012+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz_hT4r19scbv1HPV9rhsUCBvCbksJOAt_JlBkH2WU6H7resn0jdWD1vx5LjtTI2Xx9NVM2qP38JET1gpYY9oKOMK9DaUTeNN5yVVbFAQwT3tnH44EchasLglwM5JdlzVyTUDpEDqC7k-a/s640/012+-+Copy.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">Here is Aunt Sara, Lyvie, & Brooke prior to wave jumping!</span><br />
<strong><span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-size: large;">SO MUCH FUN!!</span></strong></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGOqnoKv6EcLrKpqR4WS5KFR56evHP4TYX0_IgySsMJMd3QmvWafvSUpk3wlzZu9l3aO5ErJJavdPcGDKxrJON84zN4x4mX72Ap4hjhFf3_WHbNE-bHrsh_C_-UprM_NI4iWQFTgULpl5C/s1600/015+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGOqnoKv6EcLrKpqR4WS5KFR56evHP4TYX0_IgySsMJMd3QmvWafvSUpk3wlzZu9l3aO5ErJJavdPcGDKxrJON84zN4x4mX72Ap4hjhFf3_WHbNE-bHrsh_C_-UprM_NI4iWQFTgULpl5C/s400/015+-+Copy.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: small;">Burke & Coley playing in the waves..</span><br />
<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;">LOOK OUT! IT'S JAWS!!</span></td></tr>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYYB5I9qITG7euO6NtjEBm01JfoUrfBJnHcgVEfasHiqZfPonGVnQDLC9NXSj0q-814zbuvb6PkM1sqeh-lu0oSksYPU4gA_zNfWqSQMv3w1g-DvtlWoNFEdarlF7-wiFmysYa8Z1FCd51/s1600/019+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYYB5I9qITG7euO6NtjEBm01JfoUrfBJnHcgVEfasHiqZfPonGVnQDLC9NXSj0q-814zbuvb6PkM1sqeh-lu0oSksYPU4gA_zNfWqSQMv3w1g-DvtlWoNFEdarlF7-wiFmysYa8Z1FCd51/s640/019+-+Copy.JPG" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="background-color: black; color: cyan; font-size: small;">Coley & Burkey walking into the water.. Bomo looks like a giant..</span></td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCj87768GrlFybwmsctTlSzy9RtUxkQEEqkbu4oLMdEguowuINbQi-GDjyGzfMvN7QHBMtRDHv0pGx5XAdbNHjopuLcTSixVbT6cO2Ke0Fh7qt17mexNW7kV0PalzFjE7es7vCySpAu906/s1600/021+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCj87768GrlFybwmsctTlSzy9RtUxkQEEqkbu4oLMdEguowuINbQi-GDjyGzfMvN7QHBMtRDHv0pGx5XAdbNHjopuLcTSixVbT6cO2Ke0Fh7qt17mexNW7kV0PalzFjE7es7vCySpAu906/s640/021+-+Copy.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: orange;">Aunt Sara, Lyvie, & I sunbathing on the beach.. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipPrsvQezOdsEiAvegWHNLt9MUPt-tceqa8oiQsvmnJL8VTR8LLJ9P-UgXDuJuc8ZaWOu7eB8Cq090YK0lVQdXelGMhXYcTYHCKkPi9zPyPg5pRBtY1M7v4lysSk6L0wWw17buOsHGv7BU/s1600/025+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipPrsvQezOdsEiAvegWHNLt9MUPt-tceqa8oiQsvmnJL8VTR8LLJ9P-UgXDuJuc8ZaWOu7eB8Cq090YK0lVQdXelGMhXYcTYHCKkPi9zPyPg5pRBtY1M7v4lysSk6L0wWw17buOsHGv7BU/s640/025+-+Copy.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO5IoL-hT-XOo8VrQNOTx3-dSs9zRB1EPZNq6eBGBnT_JN6ZJYAli9xniEm5ZS1ANjaZX_ADfC3UsOm-svhGollVLUsFZ_Exa9gwtZPLYee5Ng1GpUzdiQb7IzO0ZSK4g_a-7lRu0SauK2/s1600/026+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhO5IoL-hT-XOo8VrQNOTx3-dSs9zRB1EPZNq6eBGBnT_JN6ZJYAli9xniEm5ZS1ANjaZX_ADfC3UsOm-svhGollVLUsFZ_Exa9gwtZPLYee5Ng1GpUzdiQb7IzO0ZSK4g_a-7lRu0SauK2/s400/026+-+Copy.JPG" width="300" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;">It's a PIRATE PARAPALEGIC ALLIGATOR!!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1a_Naq687DeP2WVAAyGB7KezGjn-H7x69Vu_otqEh8dvxh4ZR8Tez_PwPHEqlsloD7RC2BtaIEfWC4Fd19g2Z4frLmwsTjm1zhEKdCfjd6Y_jjkLDRy4Lh2UzGhYEyXkyKys-Ez_qF6YG/s1600/031+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1a_Naq687DeP2WVAAyGB7KezGjn-H7x69Vu_otqEh8dvxh4ZR8Tez_PwPHEqlsloD7RC2BtaIEfWC4Fd19g2Z4frLmwsTjm1zhEKdCfjd6Y_jjkLDRy4Lh2UzGhYEyXkyKys-Ez_qF6YG/s640/031+-+Copy.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">Me & mom made Lyvie into a masterpiss sand sculpture..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;">Night swims are fun!! Sexual assault is bad..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;">Olyvia's birthday breakfast..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;">it was in bed but we coaxed her out..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;">it consisted of:</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;"><u>oreo ice cream cake, funions, skittles, & strawberry milk in a champagne glass</u></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan; font-size: large;"><strong>For Oly's actual birthday we went to the Tampa Zoo!</strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">here we are in front of the manatee statue..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">ps..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">coley ordered me to hide her belly.. i think i did pretty well</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: orange;">Brooke getting a little close for comfort to nasty vulture/dodo bird thing..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: orange;">Coley looks concerned..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;">Lyv feeds the birds nectar!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">Brookes turn.. they really liked her!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">And here go MahooMoo</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;">Moo even had to make sure she showed the Rooster love</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-size: large;"><strong>:)</strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;">Burkey really makes the Giraffe work hard for that lettuce..</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">Coley is getting braver..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan; font-size: large;"><strong>I lied!</strong></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-size: large;">Our theory with this animal is that God just threw a bunch of spare parts in a bag.. shook it up.. & this is what happened..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;">Coley showcasing the goods..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">Brooke doesn't believe in personal bubbles..</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">also she wants to rear Cole's child..</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;">This is a <strong>REAL </strong>sign in Florida!!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;">it says you shouldn't <strong><span style="font-size: x-large;">MOLEST </span></strong>the alligators..</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;">see it says it right there..</span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">Feeding the Sting-Rays.. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan; font-size: large;"><strong>GROSS!! </strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">i did not participate.. partly because i'm camera girl.. mostly outta respect for Steve Irwin</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red;">This basty tried to jump out & </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red; font-size: large;"><strong>KILL </strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: red;">me.. truth..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">Coley had to wait to feed the smallest stingray in the pool.. she's pretty picky</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEignzzMNzGDusEMvDQeQT8giqyxs1MFVrF7_OeMRgkLXR1Ymv8k8edovhCQMJTS45pHDFegISCPsptrrJBpNVDC0Isq5tMY37FZ5YOJI1YKujwe0GpMe1QnjzxT1YJxzveK36jOOa6-Aedh/s1600/141+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEignzzMNzGDusEMvDQeQT8giqyxs1MFVrF7_OeMRgkLXR1Ymv8k8edovhCQMJTS45pHDFegISCPsptrrJBpNVDC0Isq5tMY37FZ5YOJI1YKujwe0GpMe1QnjzxT1YJxzveK36jOOa6-Aedh/s400/141+-+Copy.JPG" width="372" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;"><strong> </strong>a <strong>DISGUSTING</strong> monkey in a shirt..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">doesn't matter if you dress it up..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-size: large;">if you put a cute shirt on a muffin top it doesn't make it a cupcake</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCB3roCUNbX5mdjHtC2sia4e3Yr336Qlrpj8BGPSJ0o2HYMB8OiM6C0M0_Z1qqYA1aY4kIf3Psj7V1lV4cnJn9vvnKLxPbiLfEJzcj4SPiePB7xCVqyd1ciDoDczAaZqo1pNPz-0F-V8s9/s1600/146+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCB3roCUNbX5mdjHtC2sia4e3Yr336Qlrpj8BGPSJ0o2HYMB8OiM6C0M0_Z1qqYA1aY4kIf3Psj7V1lV4cnJn9vvnKLxPbiLfEJzcj4SPiePB7xCVqyd1ciDoDczAaZqo1pNPz-0F-V8s9/s640/146+-+Copy.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">so.. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">here is the story..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;"> we're walking around the exhibits.. this is the last one we went to.. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">& there is this <strong><span style="font-size: large;">seemingly homeless cat</span></strong> walking around.. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: cyan;">naturally my <strong>'save all cats'</strong> instincts kick in & <span style="font-size: large;">my sole mission</span> is to save this animal before a gator gets it</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">so i grab the feline & all seems to be going well</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;"><u>..rescue mission seemingly successful..</u></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">when all the sudden the <strong><span style="font-size: large;">ingrate</span> </strong>starts to use me as a</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;"><strong>SCRATCHING POST..</strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">he uses all sorts of acrobatic & escape methods to evade my firm grasp..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">unfortunately for puddy tat</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;">this <strong>WASN'T </strong>my first rodeo..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">so i manage to roll with the punches </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">& hold onto him for a solid couple minutes</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">& then we look up & zoo staff is looking at me with <span style="font-size: large;">queer expressions</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">so i then inform them i found this poor helpless soul & it needed rescue</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"><strong><u>I was then informed that the cat's name is Apollo & he wasn't in any danger..</u></strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">NOR was he homeless..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">he was in fact <span style="font-size: large;"><strong>the zoo's cat..</strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">so fellow crazy cat ladies</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;"><strong>GET ON MY LEVEL! </strong></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">i almost unintentionally almost stole/(mostly halfway saved) a zoo cat..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;"> <u><strong>top that..</strong></u></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">Loopy & Aunt Sara & her gourmet cake!!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow; font-size: large;">SERIOUSLY</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;"><u>chocolate fudge & coconut creme</u></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: yellow;">with BUTTERCREAM frosting!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><strong> </strong></span><span style="background-color: black; color: lime;"><span style="font-size: large;">Aunt Sara & Uncle Chuck</span> bought Lyvie the new sequined </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime; font-size: large;"><strong><u>UGG boots</u></strong></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">for her birthday..loved?? ya just a <span style="font-size: large;">wee<strong> </strong></span>bit!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguogF7Z4Am0eDwEFE_T0U3NVWXpYCRwspvPdsxPWIdDMUyFgNrlD5f__2KyC1ZA8kp5Sbl4AX1p7d9lTzVwjx593C0vNG4_yU83BK5CoTDmZ-RIXufAJUYe1SAJifFu-U6sc-TUkCFOthm/s1600/164+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hea="true" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguogF7Z4Am0eDwEFE_T0U3NVWXpYCRwspvPdsxPWIdDMUyFgNrlD5f__2KyC1ZA8kp5Sbl4AX1p7d9lTzVwjx593C0vNG4_yU83BK5CoTDmZ-RIXufAJUYe1SAJifFu-U6sc-TUkCFOthm/s640/164+-+Copy.JPG" width="480" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">ps..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">by brushing the sequins UP or DOWN you can make them </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;"><u>DIFFERENT </u></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">colors.. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">brooke was amused :)</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">Oly decked out in her birthday gear..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">ps..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">i love that dress.. super cute..</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: lime;">The Blonde Squad</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">on the way back</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">we <u>HAD </u>to stop by Ivie's</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">to say hi!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">& he had <u>just adopted</u> this cute little gem!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white;">she is the </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: white; font-size: large;">CUTEST LITTLE MEATBALL EVER!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta; font-size: large;"><u><strong>Daddy Daughter Moment!</strong></u></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: black; color: magenta;">PRESH!</span></div>
amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-81197054576722024972012-05-01T00:04:00.003-07:002012-05-01T00:04:55.657-07:00HINDSIGHT 20/20<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Lately i look at America's youth & i think </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">there is no hope for the future.</span></strong></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> It's really rather disheartening to know that the <strong>retarded gangbangers</strong> & <strong>scum sucking roadwhores</strong> i see walking around our High Schools will one day <strong>soon </strong>be considered <strong>grownups</strong>. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I realize that <u>not all of our nations minors</u> fall into those 2 catagories </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">BUT</span></strong></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> the fact that there are enough of them out there to be considered a <strong>'catagory'</strong> is enough to make </span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">my morals shudder!!!</span></strong></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> Now admittedly i wasn't the brightest ray of sunshine or easiest teenager. So i got to thinking</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> <strong><u>'What would I tell HS Amy if i had the opportunity?'</u></strong> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">..and this is what i came up with..</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>1.</strong> Put the eyeliner <strong>DOWN!</strong></span></u></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMegnpJ5TxVtLfbCjquDMNWFt_yx5QitNUfYRqeeQ88PUohyphenhyphenEwjcBKSGnMdS2DyQeWNnTH0fef9dViWrivMwIa81nxsaoLpfo1tofODl_ucjuREDP4l87MOp9HAZEmCJiDI1HMSDbSVLlU/s1600/facefront-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="224" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMegnpJ5TxVtLfbCjquDMNWFt_yx5QitNUfYRqeeQ88PUohyphenhyphenEwjcBKSGnMdS2DyQeWNnTH0fef9dViWrivMwIa81nxsaoLpfo1tofODl_ucjuREDP4l87MOp9HAZEmCJiDI1HMSDbSVLlU/s320/facefront-1.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Seriously. There is a reason your friends have dubbed thee </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>'Fran The Drag Queen'</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>2.</strong> Stop being<strong> SO</strong> self conscience!</span></u></span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Everyone is so wrapped up in themselves that NO one is paying attention to the small insignificant things you're picking yoursef apart over..</span></strong></div>
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<a href="http://data.whicdn.com/images/6322920/tumblr_lc0ifm02dJ1qdm8oso1_500_large.jpg?1295149259" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="230" oda="true" src="http://data.whicdn.com/images/6322920/tumblr_lc0ifm02dJ1qdm8oso1_500_large.jpg?1295149259" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So learn to LOVE the weird quirks that make you, you!</span></div>
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<strong><u><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">3. Some people never grow up.</span></u></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">There are going to be people, some even in positions of authority, that</span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">never grow out of the HS mentality.</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">They will be unfair to you. They will talk down to you. They will royally piss you off.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> But don't let the fact that they are small people define who you are, belittle you, or make you feel inferior. <strong>EVER!</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">Just give them the<strong> invisable</strong> finger & suck it up! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Cause <strong>HS is not that long.</strong> And you're gonna have to deal with shitty small people for</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><u><span style="font-size: large;">the. rest. of. your. LIFE!</span></u> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong><u>4. Think before you speak!</u></strong></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKNAkbh-jlBeoh9OG67tVSDAuLj0d7sIlv5ZUIVZE5Sw1a9efccx4SMhKJzLLDEIXIjR2q3lyr-jO2AtsDJKx9027v6CLgH7E6GwmBvK-0q14dORZ6tth9MRxqx8A2WGiBKfi2rfJD4vg1/s1600/kanyewesttaylorswfit_post.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="213" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKNAkbh-jlBeoh9OG67tVSDAuLj0d7sIlv5ZUIVZE5Sw1a9efccx4SMhKJzLLDEIXIjR2q3lyr-jO2AtsDJKx9027v6CLgH7E6GwmBvK-0q14dORZ6tth9MRxqx8A2WGiBKfi2rfJD4vg1/s320/kanyewesttaylorswfit_post.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: small;">Seriously. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: small;"><strong>Taste your words BEFORE you spit them out.</strong></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">Just because you think it </span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>does NOT </strong></span></span><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">mean you need to share it out of your big mouth.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">Sometimes silence is golden.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And lets be frank.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>You're not always being honest. Sometimes you're just being a BITCH!</strong></span></span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">5. Smile..</span></strong></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong> </strong> </span><span style="font-size: small;">You have a <strong>perma grimace</strong> that makes it easy to percieve you as <strong>angry</strong>.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">When in actuality you just have an <u>inherenty <strong>'pissed off looking'</strong> nuetral face.</u></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLeNflr3dUKxmM4jSEEUjrepO5xFvL-DzMoStbzKPOSraWlwAL6VgP2gE78dVB8ZMBOV-0gnUSy0Ql69WQ787MTGRncF0xrtmd831J-tb0xLbJ9bD8SJCY40uInR2XcpaprpWUXh5zXSwQ/s1600/796.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLeNflr3dUKxmM4jSEEUjrepO5xFvL-DzMoStbzKPOSraWlwAL6VgP2gE78dVB8ZMBOV-0gnUSy0Ql69WQ787MTGRncF0xrtmd831J-tb0xLbJ9bD8SJCY40uInR2XcpaprpWUXh5zXSwQ/s320/796.JPG" width="240" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">So flash people your pearly whites to let them know</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> <strong>you. don't. hate. the. world :)</strong></span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">6. Put the tweezers down!</span></strong></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6sJC0zhkvNGgrmgiZoulrhAKULmwiFAl25KtBcC63wXWZXcCqIEdGGvdPQ0BFaj0WBGLaaFAj4sswwIoBSimR4KjEIY3N_BQBg_OhTrU_tBWH8TqSTz7D48S_XsR_XCTSupXeVjHuHGZY/s1600/047.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="139" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6sJC0zhkvNGgrmgiZoulrhAKULmwiFAl25KtBcC63wXWZXcCqIEdGGvdPQ0BFaj0WBGLaaFAj4sswwIoBSimR4KjEIY3N_BQBg_OhTrU_tBWH8TqSTz7D48S_XsR_XCTSupXeVjHuHGZY/s320/047.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">For reals though!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>what. are. THOSE!</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">they are icky & they look like skinny little butt cracks on your face..</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><strong>7. Stick with organized athetics!!</strong></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Someday, not far from now, your body will change.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That's right in the near future <u>it will start to go to shit!</u></span><br />
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<a href="http://www.norcalblogs.com/commission/images/dg_girls_sports.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="239" oda="true" src="http://www.norcalblogs.com/commission/images/dg_girls_sports.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: small;">HS sports are not religion!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">participating in them will not bring world peace!!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">and</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">you will never be the best at any given sport. ever!</span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">you will regret not pushing yourself & seeing what you were capable!</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><u>8. Don't DUCK!</u></span></strong><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Years from now an ri-DUCK-ulous epidemic will strike.. </span><br />
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<a href="http://thisbirdflies.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/duckface6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="186" oda="true" src="http://thisbirdflies.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/duckface6.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">THE DUCK FACE!</span></strong><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Do not give in! Never ever. ever. EVER!! make this face.. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">much less</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">make this face AND forever immortilize it in a picture.</span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;"><u>9. Boy's</u></span></strong><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The male gender is mostly comprised of douchebags!!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">someday, many years from now, SOME of them will grow out of it</span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">BUT</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">at this age they <u>will try anything & tell you anything</u> you wanna hear to get</span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">the cookie!</span></strong><br />
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<a href="http://www.gastroanthropology.com/.a/6a00e554768e2e88340115723b147e970b-800wi" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" oda="true" src="http://www.gastroanthropology.com/.a/6a00e554768e2e88340115723b147e970b-800wi" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><u><strong><span style="font-size: large;">so keep that muffin shop closed!!..</span></strong></u> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">years from now you will be happy you did!</span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">10. Endangered Species</span></strong><br />
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<u><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Succesful post High School Relationships are an endangered species! </span></u><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Most of the time (granted NOT ALWAYS) they crash. and. BURN.. and RIGHTFULLY SO!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">at this young age you really, honest to goodness,</span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">are. not. in. love..</span></strong><br />
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<a href="http://cdn.runt-of-the-web.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/high-school-love.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" oda="true" src="http://cdn.runt-of-the-web.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/high-school-love.jpg" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">high school relationships are a lot like farts</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">if you have to force it</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">it's probaby shit!</span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">11. BRACE YOURSELF!!</span></strong><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZNQrJX9Rhh0EoGcwKGYrA4qKBOh_XdFzOzEIl57xjdrh9J-AizeMREAeWZQ_u1TBjfSPuYBXDTyuxWAduh9iTkdltLoRJ6XeFiMMi06dDfBLfbXnjfuYBL-r9g-V_9Be4gXWZN-ptIzl0/s1600/116+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="240" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZNQrJX9Rhh0EoGcwKGYrA4qKBOh_XdFzOzEIl57xjdrh9J-AizeMREAeWZQ_u1TBjfSPuYBXDTyuxWAduh9iTkdltLoRJ6XeFiMMi06dDfBLfbXnjfuYBL-r9g-V_9Be4gXWZN-ptIzl0/s320/116+-+Copy.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">That's right! Slap those suckers on yourself</span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">STAT!</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Pester your parents until they can no longer 'FORGET' scheduling your orthodontist appointment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Cause it's one thing to look <strong>10 </strong>when your <strong>15 </strong>or even <strong>16</strong></span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">HOWEVER!</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">it's a whole new ballpark when you're <strong>19...</strong></span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">12. Belly Rings Are Not For You!!</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Don't try & pierce your belly button with <strong>a safety pin</strong> during your freshman year</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">it will <strong>HURT</strong>, look like <strong>CRAP</strong>, & you'll have to take it out for dance within <strong>24 HOURS!</strong></span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">ALSO</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">don't repeat the idiotic move the following year substituting the <strong>safety pin</strong> for a <strong>couch embroidery needle!</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">it will <strong>still HURT, still</strong> look like <strong>crap, </strong>& you will </span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">NAIL HAILE TO THE FOOTBOARD!!</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">13. Just be YOU!!!</span></strong><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivD6VIUg9l53rc9AFxGv0bCDLhdfgHgVSrM5MkLqFVT58zeQ4ma9ie4Dw-CJdgmR_7J1zQxNfnCvCKVsnpa4t5UJPfd4pjOQuUnUtCFK17F2Wge5SW_8eCol-fcWA7rUM61v4nfRxj9ukm/s1600/151+-+Copy.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivD6VIUg9l53rc9AFxGv0bCDLhdfgHgVSrM5MkLqFVT58zeQ4ma9ie4Dw-CJdgmR_7J1zQxNfnCvCKVsnpa4t5UJPfd4pjOQuUnUtCFK17F2Wge5SW_8eCol-fcWA7rUM61v4nfRxj9ukm/s320/151+-+Copy.JPG" width="240" /></span></a></div>
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">You are not perfect </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">(by any stretch of the imagination)</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> but <u>you are perfectly you</u>!!</span></strong><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: large;">PS. Boredom is BAD..</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><strong> </strong></span><span style="font-size: small;">Years from now you and Katie will be <u>very bored</u> one day</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">She will suggest permanent ink</span><br />
<strong><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">WHEN SHE DOES</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">do not take her suggestion seriously..</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">figure out another pasttime.. <strong>any other pasttime..</strong></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCcirg0pwCbgUfpOJse6s1JgPry5ShZAGhzxKlfwyMmVUhBtwNancOzXGYgbzXbIUU5SdkSbZZj_tO18L6kU01cauZ3hOizUcdyYHTDkBpyQzucb8WdQyWVKssuM78zgUB-teyyTmE0Zdi/s1600/updo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="246" oda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCcirg0pwCbgUfpOJse6s1JgPry5ShZAGhzxKlfwyMmVUhBtwNancOzXGYgbzXbIUU5SdkSbZZj_tO18L6kU01cauZ3hOizUcdyYHTDkBpyQzucb8WdQyWVKssuM78zgUB-teyyTmE0Zdi/s320/updo.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">cause you, being you, will pick <strong><span style="font-size: large;">thee most white trash</span></strong> option</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">and you will place it on the <strong><span style="font-size: large;">least inconspicuous</span> </strong>body part you could possiby pick..</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">(in fact someone will later mistake it for a llama..</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> so <strong>if you MUST</strong> choose to go through with this ill-fated idea..</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">at the very least </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><strong>pick the LLAMA!</strong>)</span></span><br />
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<br /></div>amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-90390251645361002782012-04-18T16:18:00.000-07:002012-04-18T16:18:06.220-07:00eyes=the windows to your soul.. eyeBROWS!=the not to be overlooked window treatments!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOIIZ0cYcwS9vKtjT9ndRfi6t-7zfdqFq0moiLGFohIgRvI-dgR5uwRQC_dnJtPddG54E23vTQ1HBltvMjr0quvGckRfwGK5xeYh61qrRE07pfmtf802Oh97ZGnglvBZ2AGLNBp87Ohyphenhyphenu7/s1600/bad+tat+job.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOIIZ0cYcwS9vKtjT9ndRfi6t-7zfdqFq0moiLGFohIgRvI-dgR5uwRQC_dnJtPddG54E23vTQ1HBltvMjr0quvGckRfwGK5xeYh61qrRE07pfmtf802Oh97ZGnglvBZ2AGLNBp87Ohyphenhyphenu7/s320/bad+tat+job.jpg" width="258" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div align="center" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">eye's have oft been illustrated as the <u>windows to ones soul</u>.. while i'm not nearly poetic enough to describe the in such a way, i can agree, our peepers are very important features!..</span></div><div align="center" class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> but i'm not here to talk about eyeballs.. i'm here to talk about the <u>unsung heroes of the</u> face</span>.. the <strong>EYEBROWS!</strong></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtWopYLWdNfhWUfHW81BSQeKZeSRK-ZOvNO9joJx0QYrl3GlMiRKPwMW0LTY4E3tOs9zctgwP54nJkPSuWFGlHJWJTtCUd561EE_VmnyMi1dtFYW2509aWbQeJkBG9X36nbgf4rLSpyb-_/s1600/chola.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtWopYLWdNfhWUfHW81BSQeKZeSRK-ZOvNO9joJx0QYrl3GlMiRKPwMW0LTY4E3tOs9zctgwP54nJkPSuWFGlHJWJTtCUd561EE_VmnyMi1dtFYW2509aWbQeJkBG9X36nbgf4rLSpyb-_/s320/chola.jpg" width="213" /></a>even the biebs looks gosh awful CHOLOFIED!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Lay3RUR-bxf7TC9yfJ3OkYF826GejrFsK1oPpT7rork_VRAgRqA2_J6gvC3zMF9t0cKe4B2NUsEbTjNglIh0qhWMaUcrQZ5LRbTgBFF6pokHtawet7YfCF5pKivCvfO-WfwLwx0HZkdv/s1600/draggy.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3Lay3RUR-bxf7TC9yfJ3OkYF826GejrFsK1oPpT7rork_VRAgRqA2_J6gvC3zMF9t0cKe4B2NUsEbTjNglIh0qhWMaUcrQZ5LRbTgBFF6pokHtawet7YfCF5pKivCvfO-WfwLwx0HZkdv/s320/draggy.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">if nothing else Mexicans are a <u>multipurpose</u> people.. who else would have thought to use a simple writing tool, say </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">a <strong><span style="font-size: large;">sharpie!</span></strong></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">as a 3-in-1 miracle makeup!!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFKfn4MIHl1OYBLvhWHjCCC1F1NSbCAxkYKB_oPGVKnd2R4XQXw3kX40K6xeU_jv10cgLUATaYEhuCGOiHgTczzWtrUdFtWYwqsRnKM5_wFtgWtQzS1HEJvZcNF3axpGTdrGmsJREAX9AC/s1600/i+shudder.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgFKfn4MIHl1OYBLvhWHjCCC1F1NSbCAxkYKB_oPGVKnd2R4XQXw3kX40K6xeU_jv10cgLUATaYEhuCGOiHgTczzWtrUdFtWYwqsRnKM5_wFtgWtQzS1HEJvZcNF3axpGTdrGmsJREAX9AC/s320/i+shudder.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">unless you're sponsered by <span style="font-size: large;">NIKE</span><span style="font-size: small;"> you're eyebrows should </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">never. look. like. THIS </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja8STFYx5XXXzhKjiBUefI8u4NDHE7u0OYQIlyRNLjNuifMQUGzjnd-AJCRpDJeSm9f_bELSf-Al8r_aQx4BKdDX6TVvPpayASb9K6vWjRl6rgDNqk0qLHbBtP-WquYF00bNwPQc5DWbMW/s1600/mexican-eyebrows.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja8STFYx5XXXzhKjiBUefI8u4NDHE7u0OYQIlyRNLjNuifMQUGzjnd-AJCRpDJeSm9f_bELSf-Al8r_aQx4BKdDX6TVvPpayASb9K6vWjRl6rgDNqk0qLHbBtP-WquYF00bNwPQc5DWbMW/s320/mexican-eyebrows.png" width="256" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1vstBFxXXst-4s_1LDYVuUZntIPLzyjpNASNbJ5uOsxloeJPAGGju8jkWwqhMfepn6ERYKWtjQ9oOwBt60PLYp1gvtmWLZQZG9tjj-OX4SvUvbKBzCINSoglNhLPECi5SgjsNPLGhqpAa/s1600/roadwhore.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi1vstBFxXXst-4s_1LDYVuUZntIPLzyjpNASNbJ5uOsxloeJPAGGju8jkWwqhMfepn6ERYKWtjQ9oOwBt60PLYp1gvtmWLZQZG9tjj-OX4SvUvbKBzCINSoglNhLPECi5SgjsNPLGhqpAa/s320/roadwhore.jpg" width="242" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">now now now.. i don't want to come accross as unfair</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> &<strong> pin bad makeup application on one ethnicity</strong>..</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">apparently <em>PORNSTARS</em> can rock the 3-in-1 look as well!!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmhJgMs-8ClmPyxfOJHGPrQQgRkZmayuipEUZzwGKBGQSdxtkORiQLvgsx9qVQtnFt352pPtJE1e6ohYFAM2xezH5UwHKDwiIsix_FRJu2k7aVeHHjTUKTcJaHjd71Z5yFCK29CUPneSxd/s1600/f.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="289" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmhJgMs-8ClmPyxfOJHGPrQQgRkZmayuipEUZzwGKBGQSdxtkORiQLvgsx9qVQtnFt352pPtJE1e6ohYFAM2xezH5UwHKDwiIsix_FRJu2k7aVeHHjTUKTcJaHjd71Z5yFCK29CUPneSxd/s320/f.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">ORANGE you glad you manscaped your FACE today??</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><u>neither are we</u>..<strong><em>mancard</em></strong>=<strong>REVOKED</strong> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi016LiB3oIo6UjUPQvt_PKgnqwTivN2GqNxTd1vS9MEGKUv12c2my-XkfOgb-8V8eg1uEU2keGjZEfBC-o-aRJizlR6HFqCPk13SB0KiVz7a7jOzEbzI2pEF45zx6_0m5I3Yd4Ai-xmBt5/s1600/eyebrows.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi016LiB3oIo6UjUPQvt_PKgnqwTivN2GqNxTd1vS9MEGKUv12c2my-XkfOgb-8V8eg1uEU2keGjZEfBC-o-aRJizlR6HFqCPk13SB0KiVz7a7jOzEbzI2pEF45zx6_0m5I3Yd4Ai-xmBt5/s320/eyebrows.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">even Tim Allen has Guido problems from time to time..</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQxfj3WrC2ZHoDSWe3im-bKCVn5szmZp2IZLNe51d160locqyQAd6tI8-64nqx7aPZRl5TZFkmLgpMVMvajPAyYtx0FSkBRS647dzXzuMx0wwjAZpJYkUKx3vpPdrkCTpc779lckD4DyPF/s1600/side+of+your+head+brows.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="234" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQxfj3WrC2ZHoDSWe3im-bKCVn5szmZp2IZLNe51d160locqyQAd6tI8-64nqx7aPZRl5TZFkmLgpMVMvajPAyYtx0FSkBRS647dzXzuMx0wwjAZpJYkUKx3vpPdrkCTpc779lckD4DyPF/s320/side+of+your+head+brows.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">now any rational person would think that eyebrows are supposed to go </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">ABOVE! your eyes.. not the sides of them.. dumbest. looking. eyebrows. <strong>EVER!</strong></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_MgbmZLXgTtkDMLof918XHfKgg7Lw3-Z7t5c5W45-8IPMjEUNKqzDznwpXcFjCf-n5RI_SlSlee3ScvLLCIVgvqj9n1z7mA_0IWLC8IrcMR554S-UnQmRoFzj11a0vf0hu7Lo9SdJQIlE/s1600/fish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="229" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_MgbmZLXgTtkDMLof918XHfKgg7Lw3-Z7t5c5W45-8IPMjEUNKqzDznwpXcFjCf-n5RI_SlSlee3ScvLLCIVgvqj9n1z7mA_0IWLC8IrcMR554S-UnQmRoFzj11a0vf0hu7Lo9SdJQIlE/s320/fish.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">this girl wanted her eyebrows drawn on (& i quote) <strong>'Right MEOW!'</strong> </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkNxYBF3H0aZIBhwRlGysa6L0VTC0wMiPLgnO5RYBOGddExtJfTBe_tiBZveDHBXAELrXmTDTT6T6Xz8q8WhaYjl6Us3C3vSHX_KmVUlWfhR_N56zfHSOm6iHCUC2F9r0ju4u_MfqBGYmN/s1600/coon+woman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkNxYBF3H0aZIBhwRlGysa6L0VTC0wMiPLgnO5RYBOGddExtJfTBe_tiBZveDHBXAELrXmTDTT6T6Xz8q8WhaYjl6Us3C3vSHX_KmVUlWfhR_N56zfHSOm6iHCUC2F9r0ju4u_MfqBGYmN/s1600/coon+woman.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">i just threw this little gem in because a. this woman is terrifying & b... she looks like our cat. COON</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQULUSeYxVcG4P2OCnsiG09eYJKcJX52ybCGIvfnKBXczbDmjxtOdrxw5hIEKws0q0eE4jcEta8KohkeKfA_ei_3SiGYoQxNOcTeJwuYvXDFdjypoLgPhvwbOBrPOl1oPgcArdrPfssba3/s1600/289.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQULUSeYxVcG4P2OCnsiG09eYJKcJX52ybCGIvfnKBXczbDmjxtOdrxw5hIEKws0q0eE4jcEta8KohkeKfA_ei_3SiGYoQxNOcTeJwuYvXDFdjypoLgPhvwbOBrPOl1oPgcArdrPfssba3/s320/289.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">coon</span></strong></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhs2KYGcfjDDXh9xPm6GV2DFoV9kjyd9JmGXK5xvHj_OGJRZLbXIjvAhoS_E5miWdpEh-CR1iizxb873XRln_8Z86_l8mZncaN2NN4q2SmDGONpB9ICQ9VmSGZUyfJbv4M4Dq06A7Jxxz4/s1600/haunts+my+dreams.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhs2KYGcfjDDXh9xPm6GV2DFoV9kjyd9JmGXK5xvHj_OGJRZLbXIjvAhoS_E5miWdpEh-CR1iizxb873XRln_8Z86_l8mZncaN2NN4q2SmDGONpB9ICQ9VmSGZUyfJbv4M4Dq06A7Jxxz4/s320/haunts+my+dreams.jpg" width="239" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">& these were thrown in to further horrify you & prove my point that you can be an</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><strong>OUTSTANDINGLY</strong> beautiful human being</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><u>but</u></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">withOUT good eyebrows.. or eyebrows in any sense.. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9sQOBQkrnE7QmN3Ls3iGrCJ3THjTLiB9sydZstFI84e7_wLxk9rlGMBKkVV7qGDRk0QGHtZ_YKFU5R12AUYr7LfWAha3qOXht4c4Z5YiPG1ZI2A9VnTGYHcyb4t06_jKqOL2iCRJCEwZR/s1600/tumblr_lr0m3rDmKz1r2c2wko1_500.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9sQOBQkrnE7QmN3Ls3iGrCJ3THjTLiB9sydZstFI84e7_wLxk9rlGMBKkVV7qGDRk0QGHtZ_YKFU5R12AUYr7LfWAha3qOXht4c4Z5YiPG1ZI2A9VnTGYHcyb4t06_jKqOL2iCRJCEwZR/s320/tumblr_lr0m3rDmKz1r2c2wko1_500.png" width="226" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">well then go on ahead & color yourself UG-A-LAY!</div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfSiFVGR8AB27wfWzpEcRdrvD6NNPvpHuYkEXTyTrV3_IxqttrGD8OZEhBwoesJfkR0R2f3dcX_BMinw0wH_X9fdGxSqlTZ2YgzIrWPvtaJ8rUhP7Gw70dCMGkdNAUz5Jh2SGusv9JpexI/s1600/just+has+no+eyebrows.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="291" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfSiFVGR8AB27wfWzpEcRdrvD6NNPvpHuYkEXTyTrV3_IxqttrGD8OZEhBwoesJfkR0R2f3dcX_BMinw0wH_X9fdGxSqlTZ2YgzIrWPvtaJ8rUhP7Gw70dCMGkdNAUz5Jh2SGusv9JpexI/s320/just+has+no+eyebrows.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-20768702758496145902012-04-17T22:24:00.001-07:002012-04-18T09:43:29.767-07:00BABY GOT way too much BACK!so.. thanks to my moo moo i have always had an<strong> ample</strong> dairy air.. indeed <u>'i got it from my mama'</u>.. all of it.. camels have humps for which to live off for many weeks & i kind of consider those is the same league as my rearend..cause i believe they could potentially serve the same purpose, if necessary..<u>because i am the creature in rap stars dreams</u>..a <strong>big booty beezy</strong>..anyways point being <strong>I HAVE AN ABNORMALLY FAT ASS.. </strong><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZwS45CJfYtSBKkzgms-ggve7DIPtsi9c3UNu9wJ6_HkI6tAfBvwJ15oxgdXXZd9IjZAFKWPW8c2EUT7vnF0bxtsJbBBr7XdfoLBAp6FaqmFqLAvO-sdho5f9f8KaQeRBsicy4oZq8Gzll/s1600/0805111455a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZwS45CJfYtSBKkzgms-ggve7DIPtsi9c3UNu9wJ6_HkI6tAfBvwJ15oxgdXXZd9IjZAFKWPW8c2EUT7vnF0bxtsJbBBr7XdfoLBAp6FaqmFqLAvO-sdho5f9f8KaQeRBsicy4oZq8Gzll/s320/0805111455a.jpg" width="263" /></a></div>it's always caused me <strong>angst</strong>.. basically 24/7.. & even more so with bathing suit season rapidly appraoching us.. i know.<strong><u> YIKES!</u></strong> but this year i decided to be proactive about it.. about mid january i began hitting the gym at least 5 days a week & am up to running 6 miles at a time.. i know, <u>i'm no kenyan..</u> however for me this is a big deal.. now while this did help my mushy-wintery-outta-shape body immensely! it is discouraging to report the butt has gotten <strong>BIGGER</strong>.. okay so 'gym by itself'.. obvi not gonna cut it if i want to be able to proudly go to a beach, & not fear causing a small to medium earthquake, when i slowmotion baywatch run through the waves.. joke!! <u>i. NEVER. do. that</u>.. so late one night, tv's on, & all good shows are over.. leaving only D grade (at best) television..<em>aka=infomercials..</em> which admittedly naturally encourage my gag reflex BUT this time, it struck my fancy, pushed product in question?? <strong>BRAZIL BUTT LIFT!!</strong> i listen on.. it promises to <strong>LIFT! SCULPT! TONE! SHRINK!</strong> my problem areas!! in 2 months.. oh yes IF purchased the bane of my existance will <em><strong>CEASE TO EXIST!</strong></em> in 60 days!! ever the skeptic, i start to question whether of not it can in fact fufill all my hopes & dreams.. then i'm told it's the <u>SECRET to VICTORIAS SECRETS</u> models coveting backsides! and with that <u>i. am. <strong>SOLD!</strong></u> so i order it.. yes i bought into an infomercial.. feel free to judge.. i'm almost a week into it & i can't for sure tell you it's working, <strong>BUT</strong> <u>i can tell you,</u> muscles i didn't even know i possessed, are constantly on fire..(& yes.. yes i do kind of feel a little bit like Katniss) getting off a toilet now demands all of my willpower! so hopefully in about 7 more weeks i can tell my 'nay-sayer' self to <strong><u>suck it!</u></strong> & will be able to bounce a quarter off my newly <strong>lifted, sculpted, toned, & SHRUNK,</strong> posterior!amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-86309715150008123362011-03-07T20:50:00.001-08:002012-04-18T09:20:41.716-07:00Step Heavily Upon the Lawn<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">this is bencat..he has 4 teeth & a milky eye..he is fat & old..he illustrates the physique of most our animals <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmI22jJCSGDRWkGKeu1NbO9PLkHGKdcNHyS7WPfi02OE88Hic9RqKtDEXMQ5wtoePKMqfi8dWFwG8n-Pii-zQlYQpVQKTg3UxmH3fGfYV9w4dGiz1UxxhnPt9u3BTKWWf1B5cCuMzgRt7_/s1600/002+-+Copy+(4).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmI22jJCSGDRWkGKeu1NbO9PLkHGKdcNHyS7WPfi02OE88Hic9RqKtDEXMQ5wtoePKMqfi8dWFwG8n-Pii-zQlYQpVQKTg3UxmH3fGfYV9w4dGiz1UxxhnPt9u3BTKWWf1B5cCuMzgRt7_/s320/002+-+Copy+(4).JPG" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">this is my baby vegas.. she has a thyroid condition.. & can't help that she has extra loving.. she also illustrates the round shape that most of our animals have taken on.. i show these images as proof to how out of shape our DeCoria pets are, to better paint the picture for the story below.. </div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ-wJexQ3qkFPB9Ra9LbM8PwSfqpQqInCAMWd2r66zCMVT4pbjVNWXXULU60y-_7lHEJZgRJiygwkZIW3i7X9pofzd6xpN7azwNztzN2Bdmecy7KjvoB3eirQA3ice9LWQUaV1-XlhuaGB/s1600/004+-+Copy+(3).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" qda="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJ-wJexQ3qkFPB9Ra9LbM8PwSfqpQqInCAMWd2r66zCMVT4pbjVNWXXULU60y-_7lHEJZgRJiygwkZIW3i7X9pofzd6xpN7azwNztzN2Bdmecy7KjvoB3eirQA3ice9LWQUaV1-XlhuaGB/s320/004+-+Copy+(3).JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For those of you who don't know me very well, I've got to inform you that walking is one of my favorite pasttimes. Especially at night. It sounds creepy but I really love just taking an i-pod and hitting pavement when the sun goes down. Mind you I said WALK not RUN. I'm not nearly motivated enough to just go jogging for the heck of it. This girl runs only when chased. So summer 2008 I took a loooooot of walks in the dark. My family has a knack for turning out over weight animals.. no actually morbidly obese is a more correct way to describe there physical condition. So I put two and two together and decided I'd kill two birds with one stone and take one of our dogs on my walks with me. In an attempt to expand her life and improve her quality of living (now i wonder why i ever wanted to prolong her existance considering she is like Kane in doggy form). So I hook Dutchess onto the leash one night in early August and we start out on our little adventure. I live in Wyoming. Everyone has dogs, more specifically cow dogs, and for some reason a lot of the time they have a hard time getting along with one an another.. so when planning out my route I decided to go left, because the only dog I knew of out that direction was a 3 legged dog named Katie that seriously has to be close to 100 now.. no more then 100 yrds into our trek Dutchess is panting hard.. I mean old girl has really worked up a sweat (if dogs could sweat which of course they can't) but I being ever the tyrant drag her along behind me. We start to close in on Katies house, I am still unconcerned.. Now we're about 20 ft. from Katies house, only about 3/4 of a mile form my front door, and Dutch is wheezing like she has asthma. No immediate danger in sight so I keep walking. 10 ft. Katie starts to bark, I respond with a "Oh shut up Katie" and continue to proceed without a care in the world and then we were dead even with her doorstep. She looked, growled, paused, and then she took off. Now don't let the fact that she was missing one leg and as old as father time fool you into thinking that she was a slow dog.. old girl could move!! so I take off in a semi=brisk jog, my obese canine american in tow, to avoid a dog fight. Now initially I figured she'd chase us for maybe 40 ft. 50 at most and then turn around to go back to the very important job of protecting her turf.. I was sorely mistaken, Tri-pod chased me and my dog for nearly a half mile. I'm not used to that kind or amount of physical exertation so my legs were sore and my lungs a burnin.. Poor Dutchess was trying to lie down mid-stride and just go towards the light.. if she could will her fat rearend to make it that far that is.. So finally we were able to outrun that decievingly determined dog, I was able to regain my breath, & sadly Dutchess didn't die.. moral of the story never underestimate the old and decrepid or crippled and disfigured.. but still looking back even now I'm not sure if what i feel is resentment towards gimp dog or admiration... perhaps a bit of both..</span>amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-38587338980247900852011-03-07T20:10:00.001-08:002014-05-29T10:12:42.029-07:00Great to be a Guy!<span class="messageBody" style="font-size: x-large;">Okay so I created my ‘Reason’s Women are Superior’ list & as expected there were those of you out there that got your panties in a wad over the whole thing.. so I have comprised a list of reasons it’s ‘Great to be a Guy’.. the male gender has some pretty cool benefits associated with having a wang & I am woMAN enough to admit it so here goes..</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">1.You can pee standing up.. the world is you’re urinal</span><br />
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2. On that note, you can also write your name <span style="font-size: small;"><em>(& a variety of other things)</em></span> in the snow<br />
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3.You can help create life until your basically on death’s doorstep <span style="font-size: small;"><em>(in the words of 90 yr old Porter Norman Rockwell 'this pencils still got a lot of lead'.. I know.. WHORK!!!)</em></span><br />
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4.Drama free!! <span style="font-size: small;"><em>(For the most part)</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp6REHbRuTddwjygoita8MmJh-u1Ody3LwTVAD2ZbFSFWu5xycH71SYRzf0_vdnPPiu-cHDhFg7744E1RnAyDYEN5KxCJdbT4BXCw_ABw70laiIqKSq9zaB7rvYQTPxpNOQn-M20I5PnoF/s1600/questions.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp6REHbRuTddwjygoita8MmJh-u1Ody3LwTVAD2ZbFSFWu5xycH71SYRzf0_vdnPPiu-cHDhFg7744E1RnAyDYEN5KxCJdbT4BXCw_ABw70laiIqKSq9zaB7rvYQTPxpNOQn-M20I5PnoF/s1600/questions.jpg" /></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. No make-up!! You guys can shit, shower & <span style="font-size: small;"><em>(kinda)</em></span> shine in 10 flat</span><br />
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6. Faster metabolisms..<em><span style="font-size: small;"> & if you retain water it’s in a canteen</span></em><br />
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7. You don’t hold onto dumb things for no reason.. you can forgive AND forget.. also you don’t read into & over think every tiny detail<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtjuQT_zNOU0LOkgCjhfROlF2ZLj-ER-wvam5gNJTM1Wk33NTpri3xsgWQuhQH-Z3T1vD1VKMkR2bXrbDfGe445XqGsJ7fr81a2b85B7dQ2slHnF4MWzYk-gVBICwLEZT-XOtQRMa25UPB/s1600/thinking+man.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhtjuQT_zNOU0LOkgCjhfROlF2ZLj-ER-wvam5gNJTM1Wk33NTpri3xsgWQuhQH-Z3T1vD1VKMkR2bXrbDfGe445XqGsJ7fr81a2b85B7dQ2slHnF4MWzYk-gVBICwLEZT-XOtQRMa25UPB/s1600/thinking+man.jpg" /></a></div>
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8. Men never have to shave below the neck.. <em><span style="font-size: small;">a small margin compared to all the fur that women have to take off in order to be accepted by society</span></em><br />
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9. Men tend to have higher incomes <em><span style="font-size: small;">even when doing the EXACT same job as their female counterpart</span></em><br />
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10. No boobs=no bras=no strap marks=no sore backs..<br />
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11. Less likely to be hassled by weirdo’s.. <span style="font-size: small;"><em>(to many of your dismay)</em></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2IBdDqmOlsLw8nvoTy2ApzEalIHuH7fJZtnz3m8qLS2kZ-Dhw7TolA04d2l05HUExoqpELaHTn4s22Q_26TMW6MvjH2zZJGjKL47f5zYzrNkCGmhoaAEHDaRNOAh6IfGs1j-XVXNFmr8z/s1600/what+up.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2IBdDqmOlsLw8nvoTy2ApzEalIHuH7fJZtnz3m8qLS2kZ-Dhw7TolA04d2l05HUExoqpELaHTn4s22Q_26TMW6MvjH2zZJGjKL47f5zYzrNkCGmhoaAEHDaRNOAh6IfGs1j-XVXNFmr8z/s1600/what+up.jpg" /></a></div>
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12. Childbirth.. <em><span style="font-size: small;">& pregnancy really..</span></em> your part in procreation is a mere blink when looking at the scheme of things..<br />
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13. If you sleep around you’re curious <em><span style="font-size: small;">(& grossly stud-like??)..</span></em> if I sleep around I’m a skeezy crack whore<br />
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14. Religions favor you.. as do many world cultures..<br />
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15 Movie nudity.. almost always female.. & when it is male it’s usually not worth watching<br />
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16. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter <em><span style="font-size: small;">(that percentage may or MAY have been pulled out of thin air)..</span></em> also you don’t need a posse to be able to make a succesful trip to the crapper<br />
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17. Pack lighter.. <em><span style="font-size: small;">you can make it a week on one bag</span></em><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCFkTCfHzzlFBmNF3GT8b6t-km4TJQi7XsH77exKPpqrBmBav734KWgk2eZ1SXsEc4z7EavmDkQ-pQOgAnn3U82-Q3mKWZjGnILmt_lavOcJlozXnFwCikx1bme7CG8GVF-gnhjfyPCRoo/s1600/packing.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCFkTCfHzzlFBmNF3GT8b6t-km4TJQi7XsH77exKPpqrBmBav734KWgk2eZ1SXsEc4z7EavmDkQ-pQOgAnn3U82-Q3mKWZjGnILmt_lavOcJlozXnFwCikx1bme7CG8GVF-gnhjfyPCRoo/s1600/packing.jpg" /></a></div>
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18. You never HAVE to fake it.. <br />
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19. If another guy shows up to a party wearing the EXACT same outfit it results in high fives and sometimes even a life-long friendship.. <em><span style="font-size: small;">(if that happens to women we hold a grudge equal to a low-budget Asian horror flick)</span></em><br />
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20. You don’t HAVE to wear high heels, make sure you can fit into your skinny jeans, &/or willingly strap your girls into modern-day torture devices <span style="font-size: small;"><em>(pushup bras)</em></span> <br />
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21. Sit with legs wide open..all the time<br />
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22. If you hit 30 & you’re still not anywhere near the LAST legal (<em><span style="font-size: small;">& widely socially acceptable form) </span></em>of slavery: marriage.. nobody wonders what’s wrong with you.. if a woman hits mid to late twenties with NO possible prospects on the horizon <em><span style="font-size: small;">(a lot of the time by CHOICE)</span></em> people automatically assume we're on a one-way street to cat-lady land..<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6O21aP5WCRWMU03PfWoukAqcpeXqPannG2vU9IYMkixObU9cPvtMq14SX60ag5HVv_jmErF_Vx2wM5j797NEy1SaLF7J43vWAy9X2Y_JNcRNGJUSPIxOTOA6YMBsrSNHvUASDJKuwOsVw/s1600/feelings.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6O21aP5WCRWMU03PfWoukAqcpeXqPannG2vU9IYMkixObU9cPvtMq14SX60ag5HVv_jmErF_Vx2wM5j797NEy1SaLF7J43vWAy9X2Y_JNcRNGJUSPIxOTOA6YMBsrSNHvUASDJKuwOsVw/s1600/feelings.jpg" /></a></div>
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amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-52635510865617876582011-03-07T20:09:00.000-08:002014-05-29T09:53:54.910-07:00Women- The Dominate Gender<span style="font-size: x-large;">*if you’re male read the following context below with the knowledge it could invoke feelings of Gender Jealousy..ye be warned..</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">1.We can get out of most traffic infractions with our feminine wiles, charming personalities &&& if all else fails BOOBS.. .. what is this speeding ticket thing you speak of?</span><br />
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2.We live longer <span style="font-size: small;"><em>(fact)</em></span><br />
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3. Multitasking<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiScs_wrpGI4Z9fYrIdvx0ak1CFRjNMCiXJbSeF_2JxGkyqDILvPJF2mguu17e1TQrEuToS8FExEBEBoAJ2aMxo0GePsOg9qItXsuDvfnpGyAT3eoSQpCqAlHHUqOQJOUiYBx5pxyO-xvhT/s1600/real.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiScs_wrpGI4Z9fYrIdvx0ak1CFRjNMCiXJbSeF_2JxGkyqDILvPJF2mguu17e1TQrEuToS8FExEBEBoAJ2aMxo0GePsOg9qItXsuDvfnpGyAT3eoSQpCqAlHHUqOQJOUiYBx5pxyO-xvhT/s1600/real.jpg" height="224" width="320" /></a></div>
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4. We give life.. boys just give seed <em><span style="font-size: small;">(like a feed store)</span></em><br />
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5. Higher pain tolerance.. case is point childbirth<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibnmh6bemjoo0L66uJ5sd-ZRE1vE6a49zBmwf1VTt2_ivGeSWh089OnmiW_dXGNMF6Kg8lCLyEtriwMNPTfUDYOFe3nh2ypH3fJiMHfuSZ85OvKX6O0FibznGtMkKKAIh7IZO5X1OR3hDq/s1600/i+can+go+on.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibnmh6bemjoo0L66uJ5sd-ZRE1vE6a49zBmwf1VTt2_ivGeSWh089OnmiW_dXGNMF6Kg8lCLyEtriwMNPTfUDYOFe3nh2ypH3fJiMHfuSZ85OvKX6O0FibznGtMkKKAIh7IZO5X1OR3hDq/s1600/i+can+go+on.jpg" /></a></span></div>
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</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-size: large;">6. We can forgo wearing underwear and it’s not weird, in fact some say it’s alluring.. if boys do the dangle, it’s just creepy.. and gross..<br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-size: large;">7. We can fake it.. ya good luck with that one boys..<br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-size: large;">8. If we’re considered ugly we can use makeup & new hairstyles to somewhat rectify the situation.. if a boy is ugly, he's just ugly..<br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-size: large;">9. We can reach a remote even if it is initially outside the realm of our grasp </span><br />
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10. We can blame that mark on our neck on a curling iron<br />
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11. We’re proven better drivers.. <span style="font-size: small;"><em>(go compare insurance costs before you argue with me)</em></span><br />
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12. We can wear high heels that instantly give the illusion of a butt-lift while simotaneously slimming off ten pounds<br />
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13. Wearing spanx can also give the same illusion of weight loss..<br />
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14. We watch sports & when we know what’s going on we’re laidback & chill.. if boys watch our shows <span style="font-size: small;">(which are admittedly mediocre at best)..</span> & they know the characters & plot it’s just straight up homo…<br />
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15. We don’t ever have to readjust &/or make sure ITS still there<br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRwQLlzwTk8hzjO8wFVzRmxiK6bgthTZy04J61Qm-fgOsWh7mPoGTBGwMnKNCDSvnfVH-msK5BtsWSool7s_KZ9mBDC4sVJATc1AtBeXb2b6X1H1Ojfcpqg_KAPRDrgdBllUORCGvwS_fM/s1600/bigger+balls.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgRwQLlzwTk8hzjO8wFVzRmxiK6bgthTZy04J61Qm-fgOsWh7mPoGTBGwMnKNCDSvnfVH-msK5BtsWSool7s_KZ9mBDC4sVJATc1AtBeXb2b6X1H1Ojfcpqg_KAPRDrgdBllUORCGvwS_fM/s1600/bigger+balls.jpg" /></a></span></div>
<span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-size: large;">16. When we have a big truck it’s not because we’re compensating for anything.. <em><span style="font-size: small;">(*the clown has no penis*)</span></em></span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-size: large;">17. If we’re stupid people will usually make excuses for us. I.e we're then cute & fun & naive <span style="font-size: small;">(& most times make if off our looks..)</span> if a boy is dumb he's just dumb..</span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-size: large;">18. We have 7 days of legitimate & excusable orneriness.. that’s 84 days a year..<span style="font-size: small;"><em>(& asking us if it's 'that time' only makes you more of an ass & us less of a bitch)</em></span></span><br />
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<span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-size: large;">19. We can end any fight (even if we’re wrong) with a few shed tears<em><span style="font-size: small;">..(i'm not saying its right, i'm just saying it happens)</span></em></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvSSg0R2B6mKlIDptds1g7frVHNPBU1X2QdukyhsYiabMeTYFFUW00fkgX_VhNs9awQN9elEP3MLqdcdcm0ZRH_1VeQGqd4URLjIwOrVXMvf3aopY3oZEt7axGsfPHiNCgBmX3Jp0v4Yfq/s1600/win+an+argument.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvSSg0R2B6mKlIDptds1g7frVHNPBU1X2QdukyhsYiabMeTYFFUW00fkgX_VhNs9awQN9elEP3MLqdcdcm0ZRH_1VeQGqd4URLjIwOrVXMvf3aopY3oZEt7axGsfPHiNCgBmX3Jp0v4Yfq/s1600/win+an+argument.jpg" /></a></div>
20. We got off the titanic first<br />
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21. We can rock guys duds.. boys can’t wear or shouldn’t wear girls clothes.. ever <em><span style="font-size: small;">(*if it can fit in skinny jeans we want no part of it*)<br />
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22. Circumcision.. I needn't say more<br />
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amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9189663705139292684.post-32931124506356928912011-03-07T20:04:00.000-08:002011-03-07T20:56:46.526-08:00Fresher Fares make Fast Food Franchise reign supreme!<span style="background-color: white; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">So as many of you are aware McDonalds (fondly referred to as Micky D's) has been king of the 'fast food' mountain for.. well a long, long time.. way before this girl was born.. everytime you drive past the golden arches (yes the ones that glow brilliant yellow & make you feel your thighs expanding just by looking at them) you can clearly see the words below them boasting the fact that their chain of restaurants have served over 1 billion... ??? (it doesn't really specify what they have served but I along with the majority of the population can only assume they are talking about human beings) which okay honestly I don't really find that massive number of patrons surprising, cause think about it, they have A LOT of eateries in Asia, China more specificely, and my slanty eyed counterparts account for like half of the worlds population as a whole (okay okay that was an exageration.. but only a slight one..) whoa I have gotten way off task but now you have some back ground information & you may be surprised when I inform you that today the Greasey Goliath has been overthrown.. oh yes my friends the new supreme ruler of all things that are both food-related & speedy is none other then Jarrods baby itself.. oh yes my friends.. Subway!.. so now if you want to eat at a 'winning' franchise I suggest you go with the option to 'Eat Fresh' because we are so not 'Lovin It' anymore..</span>amers1990http://www.blogger.com/profile/17995631902145002713noreply@blogger.com0