Tuesday, April 17, 2012

BABY GOT way too much BACK!

so.. thanks to my moo moo i have always had an ample dairy air.. indeed 'i got it from my mama'.. all of it.. camels have humps for which to live off for many weeks & i kind of consider those is the same league as my rearend..cause i believe they could potentially serve the same purpose, if necessary..because i am the creature in rap stars dreams..a big booty beezy..anyways point being I HAVE AN ABNORMALLY FAT ASS..

it's always caused me angst.. basically 24/7.. & even more so with bathing suit season rapidly appraoching us.. i know. YIKES! but this year i decided to be proactive about it.. about mid january i began hitting the gym at least 5 days a week & am up to running 6 miles at a time.. i know, i'm no kenyan.. however for me this is a big deal.. now while this did help my mushy-wintery-outta-shape body immensely! it is discouraging to report the butt has gotten BIGGER.. okay so 'gym by itself'.. obvi not gonna cut it if i want to be able to proudly go to a beach, & not fear causing a small to medium earthquake, when i slowmotion baywatch run through the waves.. joke!! i. NEVER. do. that.. so late one night, tv's on, & all good shows are over.. leaving only D grade (at best) television..aka=infomercials.. which admittedly naturally encourage my gag reflex BUT this time, it struck my fancy, pushed product in question?? BRAZIL BUTT LIFT!! i listen on.. it promises to LIFT! SCULPT! TONE! SHRINK! my problem areas!! in 2 months.. oh yes IF purchased the bane of my existance will CEASE TO EXIST! in 60 days!! ever the skeptic, i start to question whether of not it can in fact fufill all my hopes & dreams.. then i'm told it's the SECRET to VICTORIAS SECRETS models coveting backsides! and with that i. am. SOLD! so i order it.. yes i bought into an infomercial.. feel free to judge.. i'm almost a week into it & i can't for sure tell you it's working, BUT i can tell you, muscles i didn't even know i possessed, are constantly on fire..(& yes.. yes i do kind of feel a little bit like Katniss) getting off a toilet now demands all of my willpower! so hopefully in about 7 more weeks i can tell my 'nay-sayer' self to suck it! & will be able to bounce a quarter off my newly lifted, sculpted, toned, & SHRUNK, posterior!


Katie Wilker said...

lemme know how it works. your behind is beautiful, as are most of us Applonie woman, but i know what you mean about swimsuit season. i like my donk being a little big, but i want it to look as good out of pants as it does in pants. keep me posted Goobey <3loveyourface&junkinthetrunk

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