Tuesday, May 1, 2012


Lately i look at America's youth & i think
there is no hope for the future.
 It's really rather disheartening to know that the retarded gangbangersscum sucking roadwhores i see walking around our High Schools will one day soon be considered grownups.
I realize that not all of our nations minors fall into those 2 catagories
 the fact that there are enough of them out there to be considered a 'catagory' is enough to make
my morals shudder!!!
 Now admittedly i wasn't the brightest ray of sunshine or easiest teenager. So i got to thinking
 'What would I tell HS Amy if i had the opportunity?'
..and this is what i came up with..

1. Put the eyeliner DOWN!

Seriously. There is a reason your friends have dubbed thee
'Fran The Drag Queen'

2. Stop being SO self conscience!
Everyone is so wrapped up in themselves that NO one is paying attention to the small insignificant things you're picking yoursef apart over..

So learn to LOVE the weird quirks that make you, you!

3. Some people never grow up.

There are going to be people, some even in positions of authority, that
never grow out of the HS mentality.
They will be unfair to you. They will talk down to you. They will royally piss you off.
 But don't let the fact that they are small people define who you are, belittle you, or make you feel inferior. EVER!
Just give them the invisable finger & suck it up!
Cause HS is not that long. And you're gonna have to deal with shitty small people for
the. rest. of. your. LIFE! 

4. Think before you speak!

Taste your words BEFORE you spit them out.
Just because you think it does NOT mean you need to share it out of your big mouth.
Sometimes silence is golden.
And lets be frank.
   You're not always being honest. Sometimes you're just being a BITCH!

5. Smile..
  You have a perma grimace that makes it easy to percieve you as angry.
When in actuality you just have an inherenty 'pissed off looking' nuetral face.

So flash people your pearly whites to let them know
 you. don't. hate. the. world :)

6. Put the tweezers down!

For reals though!
what. are. THOSE!
they are icky & they look like skinny little butt cracks on your face..

7. Stick with organized athetics!!

Someday, not far from now, your body will change.
That's right in the near future it will start to go to shit!

HS sports are not religion!
participating in them will not bring world peace!!
you will never be the best at any given sport. ever!
you will regret not pushing yourself & seeing what you were capable!

8. Don't DUCK!

Years from now an ri-DUCK-ulous epidemic will strike..


Do not give in! Never ever. ever. EVER!! make this face..
much less
make this face AND forever immortilize it in a picture.

9. Boy's

The male gender is mostly comprised of douchebags!!
someday, many years from now, SOME of them will grow out of it
at this age they will try anything & tell you anything you wanna hear to get
the cookie!
so keep that muffin shop closed!!..
years from now you will be happy you did!

10. Endangered Species

Succesful post High School Relationships are an endangered species!
Most of the time (granted NOT ALWAYS) they crash. and. BURN.. and RIGHTFULLY SO!
at this young age you really, honest to goodness,
are. not. in. love..
high school relationships are a lot like farts
if you have to force it
it's probaby shit!

That's right! Slap those suckers on yourself
Pester your parents until they can no longer 'FORGET' scheduling your orthodontist appointment.
Cause it's one thing to look 10 when your 15 or even 16
it's a whole new ballpark when you're 19...

12. Belly Rings Are Not For You!!
Don't try & pierce your belly button with a safety pin during your freshman year
it will HURT, look like CRAP, & you'll have to take it out for dance within 24 HOURS!
don't repeat the idiotic move the following year substituting the safety pin for a couch embroidery needle!
it will still HURT, still look like crap, & you will

13. Just be YOU!!!
You are not perfect
(by any stretch of the imagination)
 but you are perfectly you!!

PS. Boredom is BAD..
 Years from now you and Katie will be very bored one day
She will suggest permanent ink
do not take her suggestion seriously..
figure out another pasttime.. any other pasttime..

cause you, being you, will pick thee most white trash option
and you will place it on the least inconspicuous body part you could possiby pick..

(in fact someone will later mistake it for a llama..
 so if you MUST choose to go through with this ill-fated idea..
at the very least
pick the LLAMA!)


Neal said...

So I came across your blog and read this post and it was really interesting. It's amazing how many people think high school is the end-all be-all while they are in high school. Life does go on and even gets better! There is one thing I would love to tell today's youth - learn how to talk! Not text, not facebook, not IM, not email, but actually sit down face to face with someone and talk to them. It's incredible how many kids come out of high school and can't even have a conversation with another human being.

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