Monday, February 4, 2013

Spank the Plank

unorthodox FAM rocks..

so tonight we're all sitting around being related & such..
well i guess not phil..
he was here by default
(when i say default i mean he married my sister)
so, you see, no blood relation

(we keep him around mainly for reproductive purposes via my sister.. they've done really well so far & we'd like more like Gabe.. eventually)

i realize it WAS a monday night
so according to Mormon culture
monday night=FHE
we didn't label it or make it formal
(but i'm gonna say it was an unofficial FHE..)

so we're all watching 'the biggest loser'
(lots of fatties breathing hard & shaking lard)
they're exercising.. being sweaty.. looking miserable
& in the midst of this perspiration & sadness comes
so i look at Ben & ask if he is even capable of doing the plank..
not really waiting for a response
i then may or may not (or may) have trash talked him
saying that i could 'out-plank' him
he then told me i can't even do the plank
(referencing my convex midsection as the reason for my inability to perform)
i of course scoff at him & immediately show him i CAN infact plank
(2 points for the preggers team)
so then we decide that we are going to have a little healthy competition..
so Phil, Coley, Ben, Lyv, & Myself all position ourselves around the living room
and the well-being promoting battle commenced

so we're battling the bulge
people on TV are battling the bulge (a much bigger bulge but a bulge nonetheless)
the bulge doesn't stand a chance..
admittedly our refs (mom, dad, gabe)
had to tell some of us to 'put our butts down' so that we were in
but all in all everything is going well
but eventually Coley falls
(she just had a baby 3 months ago.. & it was a rough pregnancy)
shortly thereafter Ben goes down
(he did NOT have a baby 3 months ago & will never have a pregnancy)

Phil then wants to make it interesting and says
so the remaining three
(Lyv, myself, & Phil)
one arm it..
i then see Lyv cheating by means of using her other arm to help prop herself up..
so i take my free arm & push her cheating apendage away..
causing her to fall over
Lyv is now OUT!

so now it's just me & Phil
aka: the final countdown
aka: the babies conceived in the 80's, born in the 90's
aka: shit just got real
and neither one of us is backing down..
we stay propped up all Side saddle like for a while longer
i say 'nuts to this' & shift back to the
good old-fashioned

so then we're still there fighting the good fight
(ps realize it has turned into a pretty lengthy competition at this point)
at this point I'm starting to feel really warm, my belly is really flexed..
Phil's camo shorts are FAR up his crack & his butt cheeks are clenched
(my mom is asking me to please not go into labor over this)
but now is not the time to worry about a birthing!
now is DO or DIE & neither of us want to lose..
 eventually one of us has to falter..
where there is a winner there must also be a loser..
so Phil went down and i WON!
amy rules & phil drools

you're right it didn't happen that way..
actually i finally dropped down & subsequently made Phil victorious
(ps as it turns out i didn't have to go down that far seeing as my belly cleared the floor by AN INCH)
but i put up a good amount of effort..
he can feel good about his 1st place finish knowing he had to work for it..

and NO.. i didn't balance on my belly to secure my 2nd place finish
(i wasn't going to be a bad mother & use my baby to cheat my way to the top
..almost top..)
i got there all by my-36 weeks pregnant-self!
doing what i do
reppin all the baby mama's

so there you have it
my LENGTHY retelling of seemingly mundane family activities

peace & blessings y'all:)

ps.. in case any were wondering i listened to my moo moo & didn't send myself into labor!


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